Angst

 

しんぱい, ふあん, くのう, ざいあくかん...

Shinpai, fuan, konou, zaiakukan...

Angst is a Germanic word for fear or anxiety.
It is used in English to describe an intense
feeling of emotional strife. In German, it is the fear of possible
suffering and a behavior resulting from uncertainty and strain
which is caused by pain, loss, and death. The term Angst distinguishes itself from the word Furcht (German for "fear") in that Furcht usually refers to a material threat (arranged fear), while
Angst is usually a nondirectional emotion. It is usually, but not always, associated with teenage angst, or confusion and
anxiety within the self.

In other languages having the meaning of the Latin word anxietas and pavor, the derived words differ in meaning,
e.g as in the French anxieté and peur.

The word Angst has existed since the 8th century, coming from the base-Indoeuropean
*anghu-, "restraint" from which Old High German angust develops. It is
pre-cognate with the Latin angustia, "tensity, tightness" and angor, "choking, clogging"; compare to the Greek
"άγχος" (ankhos): stress.

                                                                                -Wikipedia.com

You might ask, what's to be angst-y about? For the past few posts, I've been in a good mood. Later on, this post has come after some sort of deliberation.

I know full well that life is really good (as I've mentioned in my current YM status), but it's so bothersome. Just come to think of it, everyone struggles to live, isn't it? Whosoever decided to die? (exemption: people with psychiatric problems starting to grow... or have psychiatric problems already)  I mean, it's an "eew" thing to kill yourself (well maybe for me alone).

Why do we have these lives for? For what specific purpose?  Did the said God of Christianity and  Allah--and the rest of the gods out there who were the ones responsible for creation in their own realm, created us so to suffer? What then can we achieve if the division of earthly luck, fortune, riches, fame, beauty, power and all those positive earthly things is not fair enough to satisfy mankind? Was it also said that "God shall provide all your needs"? Then why do people die of hunger? Was it really man's fault they suffer?

I don't get majority of the things in our world. I do not doubt our biological and physiological existence. The bible says (Christian Bible) we were created for a purpose of stewardship. As I continue to study--whether at the formal education at the University, at our home through books, at the library, at the church listening the Sunday sermon, at our Bible study group-- I get more confused. Many things get imposed on my head. It's making me feel dizzy vertigo. Guru guru mawaru. Spinning and spinning... What's real about everything I learn besides the fact that I am living?

Why am I stating my ideals here? I don't know either, that's why I was asking. I'm releasing the philosopher within me. I like to contest my thoughts to someone else's, but my folks at home are either too much conservative or just stupid and close-minded. The absolute truth about my status at home is that no one listens to whatever things I say that are quite factual. They tend to overlook or mistook it as FUCKtual.  I hate this situation. I don't react at class either. The people there are so high and mighty, plus, I'm nothing compared to them and I'm guessing with my great intuitive skills that they won't pay attention  either. So why bother if there's this blog?