Another Realization in my Life

Back with my colored post again...

It just so happened that I wasn't allowed to go at the Toy Convention this day. I was  really expecting that I can come, and my online buddies were also expecting to meet me. But then, I knew this would or could happen. When I plan out something carefully, it is usually busted.

After realizing that when I was in 3rd year high school, I become less of a planner. I only plan certain things. For example, I plan school activities and homeworks, TV schedules, and some "diabolical stuff". The rest, like barkada getaways, trip to there and so on, fall under those plans that go busted when planned.

That's why my motto in life became something like this:

"Expect the unexpected" or "It'll happen the least you expect it"

So there. It had occurred to me many, countless times. That's why I try my best to stop from planning ahead in the future. But you see, it can't go on like that. What had happened to me after following what I blindly believed in led me to downfall. It's too late for me to realize that I'm failing already and it's hard to go up to the seemingly pedestal, where I was standing tall.

It must be too bad for me. I did not mind at all. I remained in my happy-go-lucky attitude. I continued slacking. I still was at the edge of the cliff, but some sort of a miracle pulled me back to the "main road". I found out that after some sacrifices done, I could easily go back without "bleeding efforts". I always thought it might be the end, but the good thing was I kept my smile plastered in my worried face.

I wonder what's about to come. Will I still be the same slacker I knew for years? When will I get tired of seeing "other numbers than the most wanted" in my CRS site? I finally want to succeed. I finally realized what I was missing, yet I do not want to be that competitive girl from Primary School.

I'll just let things happen as they will happen. Surely, there's a force that works within and it makes the whole silly world go round.

Can't wait for the day that I could understand and analyze MUCH MORE things that I can do now. I still feel I'm so stupid. I'm baka-ish. Or maybe I'm a BIG "baka" :)