Benefit of the Doubt

I don’t know if this should be the right title since I didn’t have any positive thoughts about my doubts. I looked up this idiom in a certain website I always look for answers (take note: not Google :)) but this is what I saw and it bothered me more if this should be the appropriate title:

A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.

Okay, so I was taken aback and I thought of it again. Maybe I NEED TO GIVE THIS ONE in order for me to stop grumbling and be merely satisfied with all of the things that I could assumingly touch, see, hear and analyze. Yes, I have always been skeptical to most things, especially with romance. If I could count the moments I had lost “loves” because of this, my 10 fingers would not be enough to count them. The best word could be cynical, and in fact, my cynicism reached lengths where I can’t control it—detesting and contesting such obvious scenarios and instances one has done to me. All I ask for are proofs, but when I thought of it, those proofs I was looking for since then were right in front of me. Was I blinded or is it just because of the long run state of disbelief I am having? Should we call it paranoia?

I rethink of it for a dozen of times daily. I ponder, weigh, analyze, solve… what else should I do in order for me to firmly believe that such love exists? I can’t accept it. I do not believe it. Those things I perceive could be folly, that’s why I won’t give in to the emotional attachment and mental connections… but each day it becomes harder to resist it. I gave up the physical part of my entire whole being—the one that’s dubbed to be the “most important thing in the world”—for I believe that is not the thing you are loosing, but it’s more on the emotional prowess that takes you away from yourself. You can lose the physical thing for about a million of times, but when it’s your heart and spirit that you’ll be giving away… that’s another thing. You can always replace the physical attraction, but the other things that go along with it will make you awestricken and give up everything you own (not the song, okay).

It is true that it’s hard to find real answers in the real world. Nobody knows everything and everything knows nobody. Everything can happen to anyone, but anyone cannot happen to have everything. Yes, I will confuse myself and others deeper so that with this confusion, I might be able to shield my inner weakling and appear as another so-so living in this earth—with nothing but my corporal entity as a representative. Oh yes, I admit that I’ve been doing my best to encounter everything starting the day I stepped into college, though it might literally and figuratively kill me someday. At least, I got a taste of things not every 40-year old has… (credits to a certain movie)

Math, Science, Beauty

It’s been a long, long time since my last blog post. And I am writing this afternoon for the sake of a new April post. As you can see, I am more active in writing during the first two months of the year and also during semestral breaks. Right now, I’m attending summer classes and because of it, I’m having a great time.

I think I have already said that I liked STS more than any subject that I’ve taken so far. It’s been enlightening, informative, and at the same time entertaining to me. Not that the speakers were simply funny, but they were among the best, or the best in their field of specialization. Most of our speakers or lecturers were college deans and department heads, or secretaries of great colleges in our university. They all have something interesting to share, and at times even though their topic is non-existent in a teenager’s life or not yet given much importance, it really gets us hooked into it.

For instance, the other day, the lecture was about Math and Beauty. Well, we can’t blame why almost everyone in our class dislikes the subject math. We’ve been either traumatized during high school or earlier in our college life (Math 17 and the Math series especially for CS and Eng’g students). But our lecturer proved that the existence of beauty is basically including math and also math is really beautiful. All nature could either have the Goldens: Golden Ratio, Rectangle, Triangle, or the hailed Fibonacci sequence. Da Vinci Code fans could totally relate to these. Polygons, like the hexagon, is also found in several natural sceneries. It is still debatable if God really is the ultimate mathematician since He created everything around us. Is math really created by a person or was it just discovered by someone? Still, I cannot confidently answer that question. What I am sure of is that Math is definitely everywhere and it could not be taken away by anything nor anyone.

Confessions of a Mafia Wars Addict

I was walking along Robinsons Galleria Food Court earlier when I saw a kiosk named ____ Pac with Pacman’s (the game thing, not Manny P.) picture beside it. I laughed, and I told him that I read it wrong, I thought it was “Energy Pak” (see, I even forgot the kiosk’s name!). I realized I was really hooked at Mafia Wars, another of Facebook’s hundreds of thousands of applications. Everything I came across today simply reminded me of it. For instance, aside from the ____ Pac store, I also thought of the Chinese Action Film showed on the bus we were riding earlier as relevant to Mafia Wars—wherein it has scenes of gunfights and the like. I am so in to this game that every morning, this has been my ritual instead of Plurk. And every time I receive an Energy Pak, I am elated.

It’s not only me that is addicted to this browser game. Most of my Facebook friends are Mafia Wars people, and almost all of those 460+ people play the game and I don’t personally know them. When they send friend requests, the message included would be “Please add me on your Mafia”, “Mafia Wars :)”, “Join My Mafia: *insert their link here*”, and so many other variants of personal messages related to it. Yes, this has been a fad for many “war freaks” and this app has also been one of the most popular as of the moment. Well, Pet Society would still be the number one addictive game for many and next would be Restaurant City, but nonetheless, Mafia Wars belongs to the Top 5.

Since this is a fad, it will soon pass and later on, another browser game shall invade Facebook. I’m predicting that Mafia Wars will stand on the most played for just a year, or until all levels are mostly completed by everyone. But then again, the levels are never-ending and they keep on improving the whole set-up of the game. I bet the creators of Mafia Wars continue to think of innovations (such as gift of Loots and Vault Collections) so that no one of us current addicts will switch to another, or completely leave the game :)

Summertime

Perhaps I could say that Summer is the time when people have the tendency to do the MIA or to stop being avid for a while. I have been noticing this for years and it has been noted that this period particularly is where mischievous things happen in my life. I also noticed that during this period, I got the crush overload thingy, where I lust for stars, hot guys, personalities, and even classmates in Summer class at UPD. Okay, so much for that. Right now, I haven’t spotted any cute guy from Political Science, and from STS, it is hard to spot one (imagine, you’re almost 150 students in an auditorium!!).

To make my summers less boring, I go to school and gain some units and learn different fields using my electives (I have 6 units left to use). This year, I picked up Political Science 14 (coming from the “Prof Miranda Trauma” last year, but I’m now more confident after passing under him) and STS (I targeted this since 2007!). STS is my current favorite subject ever, because the topics in the lecture are my interests: Science and Technology with bits of Social Sciences. Ever since I was a child, I fancied studying hardcore sciences like Biotech and all the seemingly impossible things that only science could prove and revoke. I loved the solar system and wondered if there were other “solar systems” with a different sun. Just yesterday, I listened well to Dean Caesar Saloma’s lecture on Science in the broadest sense. I learned new discoveries that are very interesting but not quite useful. Also, I learned that there’s already a 128 GB memory stick (or Flash Drive) that is waterproof and as small as my fingernails! It was so fantastic that my techie side wanted one in my wish list… 

Anyway, Political Science is also my recent like although I suffered and worked hard a lot for it last year (1st sem). Right now, I’m planning to take all the rest of my electives from the Department of Political Science, if I won’t be able to get Psych 142 next sem as an elective. My electives will only come from either Psychology, Sociology or Political Science as decided by me. Tomorrow, the first week of Summer classes is over. I only have 20 days left to spend. I wonder what more interesting things will occur to me for the rest of those 20 days…

Queuing Problems

Kanina ay naranasan kong maging biktima nanaman ng isa sa pinakamalaking problema kapag enrollment sa UP Diliman: Ang Napakahabang Pila. Last step ko na ito sa aking Summer 2009 enrollment, at sana kasing bilis pag regular enrollment kaya lang nakakadisappoint kasi naipon ang tao kanina. Holy week kasi nung nakaraan at biruin nyo, Wednesday palang ay bawal nang magbayad sa PNB. Wednesday. Ni wala pa nga ang spirit ng penetensya e, Thursday ang start ng hardcore Holy Week presence, at bukas pa ang mga malls non.

Okay, so nakakadisappoint kasi sa pagkaipon ng mga tao ay nagdulot ito ng perwisyo sa mga taong matagal na sanang bayad. May mga sumisingit pa nang lantaran (bale 4 ung sumingit slash nakisingit sa “friends” nila without asking the permiso of the people behind their “friends” na talagang nakakairita. I can’t help tuloy kanina but glare and look at them in an annoying manner. Kakainis at kakadagdag sa init ng ulong hatid ng matinding sikat ng araw. Grr talaga. Bwisit na mga Pilipino, walang disiplina.

At sa PNB naman, sana nung Wednesday e hinayaan nila na magbayad kami or yung UP Admin sana tsaka dapat dagdagan nila ang Windows sa enrollment, di naman kasi porket summer e onti mageenroll. Maraming rin o kasing dami rin ng reg sem ang nageenrol no. Hmp. Kainis talaga. Buti nalang, nawala badtrip ko kasi nagkita kami. :)

Ang Parusa ng MASA…

Ngayon, nagkukwentuhan kami ni JM tungkol sa mga weird naming panaginip na hindi namin inaasahan. Yung sa kanya, talagang masakit sa damdamin at gustung-gusto ko sana siyang tulungan. Pero wala rin akong magawa, kaya kinuwento ko rin yung sakin, medyo weird pero normal lang din naman kung tutuusin.

Ang hindi namin matanggap sa mga panaginip namin kagabi ay ang realidad na pag nangyari nga ito ay wala na kaming kawala. Masasaktan at masasaktan kami nang hindi namin inaasahan. Yung sa akin, ayos parin pero hindi naman kasi ako sigurado sa mangyayari, at saka parang masagwa rin naman yung nangyari. Kay JM naman, hindi naman siya karapat-dapat na masaktan nang ganoon, di siya deserving.

Bigla tuloy namin naisip na kasalanan namin kagabi kasi yung quiz app sa FB na Sinong Pinoy Papansin Personality Ka? e ang resulta ni JM si Dean Madame Auring ng MASA. Baka ika namin e pinaparusahan kami ng butihing dean namin. Hala. Pinagkatuwaan kasi namin kagabi eh. Sorry po Dean Madame! Madame Dean! Sorry sorry sorry…

 

Sore ga, ai deshou

My Plurk has this for its title since it’s an FMP layout design. It fits the site most, since it’s all about Sagara and Chidori, also the song is the theme of one of its arcs. This song has also been in my playlist for quite some time already, and I keep on singing along it. Somehow, the lyrics just got into me and I could feel that I could totally relate to it. So here I am, stating its English translation and I will try to analyze what made me feel that way…

Even if there are days when the tears roll down my cheeks
I want to have your back all for myself, but

Because I have you, because I have tomorrow
because I can't live on all alone
I feel you so close by me, I guess that's love
Because you know how much pain tears can bring
I want to find a smile in your transparent eyes
as I search for a definite meaning in them

because kindness is also cruel sometimes
I lose sight of the answer the more I search for it

If you can see the rainbow in the town after the rain
let's start walking now, something is about to begin

Because I have you, because I have tomorrow
because I can't live on all alone
I feel you so close by me, I guess that's love
Because you know how much pain tears can bring
I want to find a smile in your transparent eyes
as I search for a definite meaning in them

Although it'd be good if these feelings found their way into your heart
without me needing to speak a word,

The color of the town changes little by little but
see, our memories have again increased by one

Because now I can embrace every word that you said
I'm sure that we'll come closer to each other
I guess that's love
Even if a tomorrow that nobody knows is waiting for us
it's all right, don't cry anymore
we'll join hands
and keep walking on forever

It isn't something that builds up in an instant
but a feeling that grows a little at a time,
the feeling called love

I don’t think I could feel something like this in my life. It’s so much deeper than I thought! Anyway, this song really is something. And it fits the Kaname-Sousuke relationship. Shimokawa Mikuni made the best rendition for it. :)

Flicker

No, this is not about the site Flickr (yes, less the e, I know) but about the word itself. Flickering light is good to watch, but not at all times. You can’t actually tell if it will eventually light up of not. Or you could be alarmed if it will evolve into a larger fire and eventually burn you up alive.

Tonight, the moon is round. I don’t know if it really is a full moon or just waning gibbous that’s near to the full moon. Me and Shabuchan played underneath the moonlight. The hand sanitizer did not do much help as I try to eliminate Shabutaro’s smell in my fingers. Aw. This is way too harsh.

Anyway, back to my first topic, I was wondering if things like flickering right now would do me any good or help me throughout my life. I am confused in what’s going on around me, so much that I have to stop for some time and analyze what’s really happening. I think I must devote time to reflection and meditation.

And for that conclusion, I will do it now. Ta taa!

Sleepless in Pasig

1:01 AM and still, I could not put myself to sleep. While most people I know are still awake and doing their nightly and daily rituals—whether that be a net thing or not—I cannot bother them like they bother me. Anyway, today’s the final day of the Happy Days Streak, and tomorrow will be the grueling UP Diliman Summer Enrollment Year 3. Oh god, I wonder what sorts of mishaps will occur tomorrow. Will I lose my short temper again for some reasons known to me? Argh. I hope not.

Last night, I was having the best chat time with my old-time friends and family, the ones I go out from the school building with many years ago, those people who had been a great part of my social life, and they who became my closest buddies up to this very moment. Yes, we relived. We had reminisced. I miss all of them. I’m also happy that they are mostly Globe subscribers.

At this point of time, my eyes haven’t give up though my hands and fingers feel pretty much tired already. What made me more awake is the orders I have received to sleep now. I still don’t want to. And because of that, it did change my mood. Grr. This is what I hate about turning on the lights of my room. I could not move an inch after midnight with lights on. I should’ve played the Liar Game. X(

Ozine Fest 2009

Ooooh! I’m so happy. Not because of the Ozine madness earlier (well, there were lots of FLAWS in the programme. I don’t think that anime cons should last for 3 days if it will only cover the elimination rounds for the Battle of the Bands when the leads are SINTUNADO ~ sorry but that’s how it actually was ~). I was quite disappointed by the singer of a certain band when they sang the Nana OST songs by OLIVIA. Aw. I was sooo disappointed. The voice was obviously not good. I was soooooo disappointed, grr. But the instrumental is good. Hmn.

What I loved most is the Gundam for free thingy. They’re quite cute. Now I have three of them (well, we did 2 of them earlier plus the taller one XD):

 

Yay!! Anyway, we went home early because I had this bad cold. Grr. I want to come again tomorrow, but I have other plans. :)

Allergic

Gusto ko mang malaman kung bakit pasulpot-sulpot siya e di ko magawa. Palagi nalang akong pinahihirapan nito. Hindi siya mawala-wala kung kailan ko gusto. At kung hindi ko rin siya kailangan (dahil hindi ko naman siya kakailanganin) e nandidiyan lang siya at nakakapit… sa balat ko.

Kainis. Kating-kati na ko. Gusto ko talagang kamutin. Tiningnan ko na ang mahiwagang lalagyan ng abubot pero nang buksan ko ang takip ng bilugang container ay simot na simot na ang laman. Napabuntong-hininga nalang ako at kumamot ako muli.

Ano ba kasi ang nangyari nanaman? May kinain ba ko? Wala namang masamang epekto siguro ang burger sa balat. Ah, oo. Umulan nga pala ngayon. Heto nanaman sa biglang paglamig ng klima—sumulpot nanaman siya. Bwisit talaga sa buhay ko to. Dahil dito, malamang ay hindi na talaga ako magsuot ng mini skirt sa labas ng bahay.

Pag nawala naman siya kasi ay nag-iiwan ng masagwang marka… sa balat ko. Iisang lugar ang pinaglalagyan at pinag-iiwanan niya ng marka. Peklat na hindi na rin maiibsan ng kung anumang whitening solution o cream na ireseta ng Dermatologist. Wala na talagang pag-asa, doon at doon lang din naman siya sumusulpot.

Ganito nalang ba tayo palagi?