Rekindling

I did this, I did that. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. All I know is that I enjoy the present that much. But still, there’s not a thing that I did that really filled up the emptiness and erased the thoughts that continue to linger in my subconscious and conscious being: I am not really happy.

You might wonder why I’ve come up to this statement when you see me laughing, smiling, having the fun things in life, enjoying, receiving many things from others, benefiting from others’ pains, getting more and more of the things I want and I desired, and finally having most of the things anyone would wish for. Just like this sentence, my emotional well-being is not as briefly stated as it should be, since it really is on a platform balance right now—tipped to the left. It’s more on the negating feelings of loneliness where I should not be inclined to. Everything just seems to be topsy-turvy in my POV, but in fact, they all run smoothly. I don’t feel anything has increased nor matured in my life. It’s not easy always having the instinct to think of other things beyond what they appear to be—thinking outside the box.

This “BOX” where I am situated and unable to move forward still locks me, but my mind already went ahead and had gone too far: without me knowing if it is really true or not. This thinking beyond stimulates a good environment for innovation, but hinders the enjoyment of present situations. Whether the thinking outcome is good or is totally bad, it will affect me and my mindset. It’s like I would prefer to think of good things that are outside the world I am in rather than what I currently experience—thinking of the worst scenarios that could be or would be happening. It’s a bad habit, I tell you. You would be constantly stressed of things you don’t need to be stressful of. It’s like a gift, but then it’s a curse as well. I don’t know how to get rid of it completely, and though I want to remove it, whenever I am right I don’t want to change.

I really want to change my perspective of the things and facts around me. If not today, maybe tomorrow… or till I finally get a hold of my fears.