Nonfiction, true. Yeah, this all occurred to me. I don’t care if you believe this or not, but I’m totally honest in all the contents this post. And I believe I need to let this out of my system one last time.
Taiwanese drama of the same title, I sorta had the same experience but not quite the enemies-turned-lovers thingy in romance dramas type. It is more of a willing entrapment (how ironic) between two people in order to stay good together. Is there such a thing like making this paperwork just for the sake of staying together? Actually, I may correct it and shrink it into a simpler word, it’s for complacency.
I may have appeared so ‘legal’ in everything that had occurred to me in the past: my mom returning ‘confiscated novels and drawings of anime’ in return for me being the class’ top one or topping a Periodical Test in the next quarter will have to have a written contact signed by me and her, me receiving a thousand pesos for every merit card during my PCC days would also involve a contract-signing between me and my mom (again), and also most verbal contracts between me and my dad would end up in paper. Just as I thought it would be for the security of everything we’ve agreed on, now I realized it’s nothing but a statement that tells me I’m such a desperate person.
In my relationship, I’ve had 2 contracts in the past. One was something like a TRO to him when I felt so mad and all. The contract states that he will stay away from me (or we’ll not see each other technically) for 25 days including the February 14th of that year (yeah I know it sucks for you guys to miss Valentine’s Day with your girlfriend). I thought that was the worst I could do to him, but then we kinda created another one which didn’t really have an impact before. It was more of another agreement that would make me calm down whenever I feel insecure or unfeeling towards something related to him. Yes, he’s experienced my highs and lows in my emotional stability, and I believe he should be lauded for his persistence.
However, this time, it was different. I may be in the best emotional slash mental condition right now and he demanded for a newer and more ‘legal’ sort of contract. I was taken aback. What the hell entered his mind that he proposed this to me? I ran along the memories of what we’ve been seriously dealing and talking. Oh, right. I think I might have said harsher and meaner things like ‘I don’t really believe you anymore’ and ‘I don’t believe you’ll be ever faithful to me’ and finally, ‘I don’t trust your love’. Ah, my tongue. I wish this was taken by a cat during those times. I’m always compulsive with the words I throw back and forth. I’m always the ‘not really thinking, jumping into conclusions and jumping into the unknown’ type of person. Something tells me that my gut feeling is always right, that I have no better options than jumping into this ‘new, unchartered territory’.
I wanted to refuse his written contract proposal, but then I thought of the times I demanded this from him. I didn’t know what to think of his sudden actions, I’m just surprised that he could go this far. Guilt trip again, friends. This nearly want me to erase my existence… but I cannot, of course. I decided just to say my quick and unwavering ‘okay’ to him, and asked him to draft this proposed contract. I thought of what would be the end of that deal for me, what I would get if I do agree, and what might be the consequences of this sudden thing we’re seriously agreeing on. Definitely, this is stranger than I thought. No one is sane enough to ask his 19-year old freakin’ stubborn girlfriend to marry him and all, right? I still doubted the sanity of this person up to this moment. Again, comes the why me part and all. I do not want to elaborate everything, but yeah, it is utterly stupid. I won’t call him all the pretty mean names I wanted to call him because of that. Because in reality, I might be the one who’s waaay stupider or foolish than him. That, we do not know yet.
As I stare blankly at the LCD monitor of Hazel-PC, I knew I needed to edit this thing into my liking. Yes, this is the perfect chance of dominating and getting the upper-hand. He’ll probably agree and not question anyway, since he told me he was doing this for himself as well. Why waste energy arguing with an argumentative person? I don’t know why, but he’s pretty good at arguing with me and making me stop. Even my mother cannot control my war freak tendencies. So is my dad. Anyway, I typed specific things at the 6th item and made it go up to half a page. After sending the revisions, he agreed with most of those things I added. A few talks, and I printed my copy. I didn’t sign yet even as I instructed him to do so in his own copy, because as a girl, I think I would change my mind the very minute or so. I didn’t.
Yesterday, around this time, we signed it. It was idiotic, yes, because it’s sort of binding yourself to a person into a ruse and with the use of obviously illegal documents you simply created to serve as your emotional outlet. Yep. I summarized the two-paged, 8 and a half by 11 inch paper document that contains the things we’re insecure of, and things we wish would happen and or intend to happen in the near future. The font size was 11, and the font was Verdana (my personal favorite). I didn’t care even if it’s stupidity that time. I guess, there’s really something I want to prove him all along. Maybe, that could be the love thing. I guess, I really do love this guy after all (say cheesy all you want, reader!).
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