IYF World Camp 2011: We're Bound to Korea!

Last month, me and my husband attended our first orientation for IYF's 2011 World Camp with Leadership Training to be held at South Korea on June. I've been looking forward to joining this as soon as I saw the poster coming to the SC office at NCPAG. That was last year, when me and my classmate Nheo was staying late at the SC office. A student probably from the MA PA gave us a poster, telling us to post it in the bulletin board. At first glance, I thought I couldn't be able to participate, knowing my mother wouldn't let me and yeah it will be held in the beginning of the next semester. So my hopes faded for a while.

Not until IYF Philippines volunteers arrived at NCPAG to promote the World Camp personally. They created a booth at the atrium where I usually play PC games or surf the net during my 4-hour break. I then remembered that it was the same poster we saw a few months ago. The volunteers, composed of 2 people were dining in front of me. So when I had the chance, I asked them about the IYF World Camp. They gladly answered my questions and gave me more information about it. When lunch was over, I was able to talk more to one of the volunteers nicknamed Wilson. Our discussion was great, and he encouraged me to join the World Camp. So that night, I told my mom about it and she was as expected, hesitant.

The World Camp in South Korea is a good addition to my resume in the future. As told by my mother-in-law, trainings and seminars add up to the experience some companies are looking for. After I internalized what she had told me, I had decided I wanted to join this once in a lifetime experience. I told my husband about IYF World Camp but then he wasn't sure his parents would let him come. He wanted me to tell his parents about this and so that's what I did. We were glad his parents were so into it that they even volunteered giving us pocket money, travel insurance and plane tickets. Everything went so far so good, not until we realized it was difficult to apply for the visa.

My mother had undergone lots of troubles for me to get approved. She even sold some of our stocks in Meralco so that I would have a large sum in my show money. She had to deal with BIR for a certification, and bank certificate and finally she also gave me a copy of our land title. Good thing it was under my name. The final trouble was I am married and it shows in my permanent government records (BIR, Driver's License, Passport) but my school records show that I'm Ms. Blanco and that would be a greater conflict in some way according to IYF. But I was ready with other supporting documents like our NSO Copy of Marriage Contract so in the end, I got the visa I wanted.

Upon getting the visa, we secured our tickets from Korean Air. Our flight was scheduled on June 27 and our return to Philippines is on July 16. It would be the longest I would be in a foreign country and my third trip abroad. I hope my stay in South Korea would be as good and as fun as Hong Kong and Macau experience. I'm sure I would learn lots of things about Korean culture and hopefully the language :)

Again, thank you to my major sponsors: my mom and my parents-in-law: for all the help and support for me to achieve my dream to visit South Korea. 

I'm Lovin' My BlackBerry 9300 Curve 3G

This is a test post from my BB curve's email service. I just recently activated my Blogger's email posting and I'm about to send this post in a little while. So anyway, here's a picture of my husband that I took using my Curve's cam. The resolution was actually 1600x1200 but it is now cropped as an attachement for this email.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless handheld

Browhaus Experience Review

Yesterday, before attending a wedding, I went to Browhaus Serendra to get my eyebrows cleaned and shaped. I heard they do sorts of unique things with the eyebrow design and so on, but it was obviously overrated. There was no blueprint of eyebrows and all those stuff as said in this blog http://www.100percentkelly.com/2009/07/10/my-browhaus-experience/. So there, I entered, filled up the form and then later sat on the chair and was threaded. They said Browhaus won't hurt you as much, but it was not true. I still cried in this experience, almost the same pain I felt in LayBare's service. There's also plucking and shaving involved so those other process added to the hurt. I'm not an aesthetic critic so I couldn't tell whether the brows I now have are in fact, better. Probably I would post a picture of my brows as a follow-up. 580 Php is quite a high price too (LayBare price is 100), but Browhaus threading seats are good compared to LayBare's beds (you sit in there while being threaded, no back support). I would probably go back next month for maintenance.

Publishing Here Again

I once told myself I won't be opening my Friendster account not unless I want to find a photo or a lost contact, but here I am again for my blog. The layout of this blog is my favorite, and it's so rare that you cannot buy it anymore in the net (I've tried). I also found a download of the template Oceanwide but it didn't work on my Blogger or WordPress blog so okay, I simply quit trying.

I was inspired to write again about March. Last year, I was writing on the same month about my upcoming "labor" with my son Jethro. After a year, I could probably write about how extremely adorable he has been from the annoying kicker inside my body. Anyway, me and my husband have been really happy to play with him although most of the time we get kicked or plunged into and get sorts of bruises, if not bleeding body parts while taking care of him. We do tolerate some of those baby behaviors he's been showing since we all say they're cute and innocent (babies). Although sometimes, it's just too hurtful we tend to say "No-no" and shake our heads together with him. It's amazing how he understands (but still forcefully does what he wants sometimes) that concept. 9-month olds are really interesting.

Since it's almost our vacation, we've been hanging out with Jethro more often in the daytime. He, unfortunately is so attached with his Lola Ana (my mom) and oftentimes calls her "Mama" (which is so sweet yet annoying to both me and my mom). Well, sometimes Jethro calls me "Mama", most likely when I have a mobile phone or laptop beside me. He is really intrigued with electronic gadgets that the only way he stops whining when his Lola is gone is through a gadget.

We'll be dealing with him in the next few more weeks so I just hope my stuff will be fine by April.

I just wish he learns how to properly call me and my mom.

I’m Sorry.

Yesterday, I was online at 5 PM already for my 7 PM class at RareJob, my part-time job for a year now. I was glad that all my slots were occupied from 7-11 PM. My students have reserved a lesson since the night before and also early that morning. After some time, I had my husband fix the antivirus program of my netbook, this pink Sony VAIO my mom bought me a few months ago. The PC needs restarting, so I told him to quickly do it so that I will be online for the 7 PM class right away. I thought he’d open the Skype (this program is the one I’m using for work) after he has restarted my netbook. But he didn’t do that, so I was busy with our son for about an hour playing with him. I didn’t notice the time passed by and I wasn’t online. 6:30 PM came and my mom called us for dinner. I usually eat at a duration of 20 minutes. So 6:50 came. I went to my PC and checked my schedule on the company’s website. After that, I came looking for Skype—then I realized I wasn’t online nor the program was opened. I became so nervous.

When Skype had finished loading, it was 6:52. RareJob staff from Tokyo and Manila have been trying to contact me a few minutes ago. I decided to check my schedule and found out I had a 204 cancellation. My class for 7PM was already transferred to another tutor. I messaged the Scheduling Team and RareJob Japan at 6:53, and they both told me it’s too late to be reopened and it was transferred already. I should be online 10 minutes before. I was devastated and I started to cry. I blamed my husband right away for not clicking Skype as soon as my PC started. I changed the options then to “Start Skype when Windows starts” option (I don’t know the exact words), and then I continued crying over it. My disappointment continued especially when I realized I was penalized for 208 for the rest of the week (plus one day because they did not realize the “one week starting from today”, I don’t know how mad they were at me to do that). I was furious I drove him out of the room the whole night. So the 6 classes continued from 7:30-11. I still could not get over the large-scale cancellation.

When I talked about this thing I had to a student who was also married, he told me to forgive my husband and let it go; that this is just a part of married life I could not escape. I knew he made sense, but when I remember my other student’s comment about this—that it was really infuriating—I had second thoughts again. After my 11 PM class, I went out of the room and I saw my husband walking along the dining hall. He said sorry again for what happened. Somehow, I know I could forgive him about that manner, even though obviously I haven’t gotten over it. I simply replied okay and told him about the penalty of 1 week cancellation. His face looks devastated as well as mine, but I turned away and walked out to the kitchen and passed by him without a word.

I could just have asked him to return to our bed and spend the night there as usual when we’re okay, but I had not told him that. I continued acting childishly and so he had to sleep in the broken couch at the living room. Actually, I cannot sleep also because I was thinking of how sore our bodies were from the work-out that morning and he might be having lots of troubles sleeping there too. But my so-called anger that night didn’t make me feel sorry after all. The next day, I was still able to talk to him (a bit) and then I could see that he’s still repenting on it. As always, I would not talk about it and I would be mad for other unrelated things. Yes, that was what happened. He left home for school without me saying a word. Maybe when he comes back later in the evening, I’d tell him exactly what made me so furious. I just wanted to blame someone for a mistake I had done unintentionally.

 

I’m sorry, Hani. I know you won’t be able to read this (the main reason I wrote it here).

Torture

 

I always wonder why I still have to hurt myself like this. It's not that I don't want to be happy but I do believe there is no happy ending, and that he is not my happy ending. Before he has hurt me a couple of times "unintentionally" as he claims, but still I doubt it after he had seemingly honestly told me the truth about his exploits I had caught him doing not so long ago. That, I cannot forgive.

He always tells me I'm the most important, like he cannot live without me and he really cares for me but what does he do? He just makes me cry over "trivial" matters, but those small things count more to me than of other things he does for me. I don't think he's particularly being transparent with me, and that he's always doing this to hurt me. He was wired like that.

Although when I read his sweet nothings and remember his loving gestures, I fail to remember how hurt I was and how I cried endlessly for nights while I am having our son. Those nights I felt so alone that he wasn't there to support me were the longest and saddest I ever had. The days where I went to the OB alone made me hate myself for carrying his child and bearing all the stress coming from it. Good thing I was able to handle it, if not for the love I had for our little boy--that he seriously didn't have at first when I felt it already.

I cursed him and hurt him, but still I feel like I'm gonna cry every time I do that. Once, he has seen me breakdown and do all the hurtful physical things to him, but he didn't learn from that. He knows that sooner or later I will cool down and we'll settle things right. But I never forget what he's done. I always go back to it whenever I feel bad about something he did, or whenever I think he's doing something wrong. Trust will never be present (because from the very start of our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, I have not trusted him), therefore true, unadulterated love won't be here as well.

I don't know how long will this be, or how far can I go from what I'm doing to him…. But for sure, he wouldn't be around next time to understand me, or to hug me when I'm throwing tantrums, or to give me a tissue when I'm bursting in tears. He would not kiss me anymore, hold my hand when I'm just beside him, or hug me tightly with no particular reason. I will surely look for that and for the great sex we had.

The thing is, I cannot say I love you when I am not that sure; nor I cannot tell you how I feel because you will have high hopes of me.

Unrest

This title will be similar to what some spirits are to be described if they still dwell in this world, or just like a rally of people in Mendiola when they want to voice out their concerns in public. Yes, my feelings are still in a state of unrest. I don't know if this is the proper way of writing this noun here together with another noun-- feelings.

Oh well, whatever grammatical problem I'm having right now as a concern is due to my late-night job as a tutor.

Anyway, going back to my earlier point, I still have these ill feelings about my said loving hubby who really is loving and thoughtful, I have no questions about that. But what really ticks me off is how he handles the sharing of some details of his life outside my boundaries to me. It's just where the ill feeling starts. I just think that he's not telling me enough details, but it is I who seemingly isn't interested.

In truth, I really want him to open up and tell everything to me straightforwardly, just like when we're just starting college with that logbook of ours. Now it's as if he's afraid to talk because I might react violently and tactlessly, or show my feelings of doubt right away. Add this as a plus to his silence: I had told him flatly that I simply don't believe his words anyway, so why would he waste time talking and explaining things to me.

Now do I have the right to complain now? I guess the answer is absolutely not. I believe that he really wanted me to trust him as much as I want to, but my heart and mind is either paranoid due to his family history. I firmly believed that if someone in the family has cheated, most likely the next generation are likewise (ie our neighbors etc). He couldn't blame me for this because yeah, my mind is a closed yet open one: open with new and interesting possibilities and closed due to the history of negative things. Oh well, he chose to marry the wrong person and I could only mourn for him.

I honestly believe he's sort of a very good catch, but it's just that he had the wrong person to supposedly fall in love with: and that is, me.