Really, I’m Fine

 

this is my Taiwanese Song of the Month :)

[Hot Shot Code (Hot Shot OST) Track number 6]

---------------------------------

真的, 我沒事 - 符致逸

On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
我竟遠比想像中軟弱且無能為力
對你的眼神選擇了逃避
恨自己 恨自己
On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
就讓我被悔不當初的罪惡吞去
懲罰過後能否帶來解脫
I'll be fine I'll be fine
So many cried listening to God
讓堅強不只是種偽裝
So many lies listening to you
天亮後 I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope
伸手抱住自己是否就能夠不再空虛
最後信念 別放棄
I will be fine
So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候 I will be fine
當我再也不對任何事期待
只剩下你 只剩下你
有天當我捨棄一切見你
請妳要微笑不語
So many cried listening to you
希望你能再給我力量
So many lies listening to you
什麼時候 I will be fine

------------------------------------------

Zhen De, Wo Mei Shi – Fu Zhi Yi

On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
wo jing yuan bi xiang xiang zhong ruan nuo jie wu neng wei li
dui ni de yan shen xuan zhe le tao bi
hen zi ji hen zi ji
On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
jiu rang wo bei hui bu dang chu de zui e tun qu
cheng fa guo hou neng fou dai lai jie tuo
I'll be fine I'll be fine
So many cried listening to God
rang jian qiang bu zhi shi zhong wei zhuang
So many lies listening to you
tian liang hou I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope
shen shou bao zhu zi ji shi fou jiu neng gou bu zai kong xu
zui hou xin nian bie fang qi
I will be fine
So many cried listening to you
xi wang ni neng zai gei wo li liang
So many lies listening to you
shen me shi hou I will be fine
dang wo zai ye bu dui ren he shi qi dai
zhi sheng xia ni zhi sheng xia ni
you tian dang wo she qi yi jie jian ni
qing ni yao wei xiao bu yu
So many cried listening to you
xi wang ni neng zai gei wo li liang
So many lies listening to you
shen me shi hou I will be fine

 

------------------------------------------

Really, I'm Fine - Adrian Fu

On and on the pain goes on
And it wouldn't just wouldn't die
I'm far weaker and more powerless than I thought
I chose to avoid your eyes
Hate myself, hate myself
On and on the pain lives on
It's hurting so much more
Just let the sin of regret swallow me
Will the punishment bring salvation
I'll be fine I'll be fine
So many cried listening to God
Let being strong not only a show
So many lies listening to you
When morning comes, I will be fine
On and on the pain goes on
and I just don't know how to cope
Will hugging myself fill the emptiness
The last faith, don't give up
I will be fine
So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again
So many lies listening to you
When I will be fine
When I no longer look forward to anything
Only you are left, only you are left
If one day, I leave behind everything to see you
Please smile without saying anything
So many cried listening to you
I hope you can give me the strength again
So many lies listening to you
When I will be fine

Benefit of the Doubt

I don’t know if this should be the right title since I didn’t have any positive thoughts about my doubts. I looked up this idiom in a certain website I always look for answers (take note: not Google :)) but this is what I saw and it bothered me more if this should be the appropriate title:

A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.

Okay, so I was taken aback and I thought of it again. Maybe I NEED TO GIVE THIS ONE in order for me to stop grumbling and be merely satisfied with all of the things that I could assumingly touch, see, hear and analyze. Yes, I have always been skeptical to most things, especially with romance. If I could count the moments I had lost “loves” because of this, my 10 fingers would not be enough to count them. The best word could be cynical, and in fact, my cynicism reached lengths where I can’t control it—detesting and contesting such obvious scenarios and instances one has done to me. All I ask for are proofs, but when I thought of it, those proofs I was looking for since then were right in front of me. Was I blinded or is it just because of the long run state of disbelief I am having? Should we call it paranoia?

I rethink of it for a dozen of times daily. I ponder, weigh, analyze, solve… what else should I do in order for me to firmly believe that such love exists? I can’t accept it. I do not believe it. Those things I perceive could be folly, that’s why I won’t give in to the emotional attachment and mental connections… but each day it becomes harder to resist it. I gave up the physical part of my entire whole being—the one that’s dubbed to be the “most important thing in the world”—for I believe that is not the thing you are loosing, but it’s more on the emotional prowess that takes you away from yourself. You can lose the physical thing for about a million of times, but when it’s your heart and spirit that you’ll be giving away… that’s another thing. You can always replace the physical attraction, but the other things that go along with it will make you awestricken and give up everything you own (not the song, okay).

It is true that it’s hard to find real answers in the real world. Nobody knows everything and everything knows nobody. Everything can happen to anyone, but anyone cannot happen to have everything. Yes, I will confuse myself and others deeper so that with this confusion, I might be able to shield my inner weakling and appear as another so-so living in this earth—with nothing but my corporal entity as a representative. Oh yes, I admit that I’ve been doing my best to encounter everything starting the day I stepped into college, though it might literally and figuratively kill me someday. At least, I got a taste of things not every 40-year old has… (credits to a certain movie)

Math, Science, Beauty

It’s been a long, long time since my last blog post. And I am writing this afternoon for the sake of a new April post. As you can see, I am more active in writing during the first two months of the year and also during semestral breaks. Right now, I’m attending summer classes and because of it, I’m having a great time.

I think I have already said that I liked STS more than any subject that I’ve taken so far. It’s been enlightening, informative, and at the same time entertaining to me. Not that the speakers were simply funny, but they were among the best, or the best in their field of specialization. Most of our speakers or lecturers were college deans and department heads, or secretaries of great colleges in our university. They all have something interesting to share, and at times even though their topic is non-existent in a teenager’s life or not yet given much importance, it really gets us hooked into it.

For instance, the other day, the lecture was about Math and Beauty. Well, we can’t blame why almost everyone in our class dislikes the subject math. We’ve been either traumatized during high school or earlier in our college life (Math 17 and the Math series especially for CS and Eng’g students). But our lecturer proved that the existence of beauty is basically including math and also math is really beautiful. All nature could either have the Goldens: Golden Ratio, Rectangle, Triangle, or the hailed Fibonacci sequence. Da Vinci Code fans could totally relate to these. Polygons, like the hexagon, is also found in several natural sceneries. It is still debatable if God really is the ultimate mathematician since He created everything around us. Is math really created by a person or was it just discovered by someone? Still, I cannot confidently answer that question. What I am sure of is that Math is definitely everywhere and it could not be taken away by anything nor anyone.

Confessions of a Mafia Wars Addict

I was walking along Robinsons Galleria Food Court earlier when I saw a kiosk named ____ Pac with Pacman’s (the game thing, not Manny P.) picture beside it. I laughed, and I told him that I read it wrong, I thought it was “Energy Pak” (see, I even forgot the kiosk’s name!). I realized I was really hooked at Mafia Wars, another of Facebook’s hundreds of thousands of applications. Everything I came across today simply reminded me of it. For instance, aside from the ____ Pac store, I also thought of the Chinese Action Film showed on the bus we were riding earlier as relevant to Mafia Wars—wherein it has scenes of gunfights and the like. I am so in to this game that every morning, this has been my ritual instead of Plurk. And every time I receive an Energy Pak, I am elated.

It’s not only me that is addicted to this browser game. Most of my Facebook friends are Mafia Wars people, and almost all of those 460+ people play the game and I don’t personally know them. When they send friend requests, the message included would be “Please add me on your Mafia”, “Mafia Wars :)”, “Join My Mafia: *insert their link here*”, and so many other variants of personal messages related to it. Yes, this has been a fad for many “war freaks” and this app has also been one of the most popular as of the moment. Well, Pet Society would still be the number one addictive game for many and next would be Restaurant City, but nonetheless, Mafia Wars belongs to the Top 5.

Since this is a fad, it will soon pass and later on, another browser game shall invade Facebook. I’m predicting that Mafia Wars will stand on the most played for just a year, or until all levels are mostly completed by everyone. But then again, the levels are never-ending and they keep on improving the whole set-up of the game. I bet the creators of Mafia Wars continue to think of innovations (such as gift of Loots and Vault Collections) so that no one of us current addicts will switch to another, or completely leave the game :)

Summertime

Perhaps I could say that Summer is the time when people have the tendency to do the MIA or to stop being avid for a while. I have been noticing this for years and it has been noted that this period particularly is where mischievous things happen in my life. I also noticed that during this period, I got the crush overload thingy, where I lust for stars, hot guys, personalities, and even classmates in Summer class at UPD. Okay, so much for that. Right now, I haven’t spotted any cute guy from Political Science, and from STS, it is hard to spot one (imagine, you’re almost 150 students in an auditorium!!).

To make my summers less boring, I go to school and gain some units and learn different fields using my electives (I have 6 units left to use). This year, I picked up Political Science 14 (coming from the “Prof Miranda Trauma” last year, but I’m now more confident after passing under him) and STS (I targeted this since 2007!). STS is my current favorite subject ever, because the topics in the lecture are my interests: Science and Technology with bits of Social Sciences. Ever since I was a child, I fancied studying hardcore sciences like Biotech and all the seemingly impossible things that only science could prove and revoke. I loved the solar system and wondered if there were other “solar systems” with a different sun. Just yesterday, I listened well to Dean Caesar Saloma’s lecture on Science in the broadest sense. I learned new discoveries that are very interesting but not quite useful. Also, I learned that there’s already a 128 GB memory stick (or Flash Drive) that is waterproof and as small as my fingernails! It was so fantastic that my techie side wanted one in my wish list… 

Anyway, Political Science is also my recent like although I suffered and worked hard a lot for it last year (1st sem). Right now, I’m planning to take all the rest of my electives from the Department of Political Science, if I won’t be able to get Psych 142 next sem as an elective. My electives will only come from either Psychology, Sociology or Political Science as decided by me. Tomorrow, the first week of Summer classes is over. I only have 20 days left to spend. I wonder what more interesting things will occur to me for the rest of those 20 days…

Queuing Problems

Kanina ay naranasan kong maging biktima nanaman ng isa sa pinakamalaking problema kapag enrollment sa UP Diliman: Ang Napakahabang Pila. Last step ko na ito sa aking Summer 2009 enrollment, at sana kasing bilis pag regular enrollment kaya lang nakakadisappoint kasi naipon ang tao kanina. Holy week kasi nung nakaraan at biruin nyo, Wednesday palang ay bawal nang magbayad sa PNB. Wednesday. Ni wala pa nga ang spirit ng penetensya e, Thursday ang start ng hardcore Holy Week presence, at bukas pa ang mga malls non.

Okay, so nakakadisappoint kasi sa pagkaipon ng mga tao ay nagdulot ito ng perwisyo sa mga taong matagal na sanang bayad. May mga sumisingit pa nang lantaran (bale 4 ung sumingit slash nakisingit sa “friends” nila without asking the permiso of the people behind their “friends” na talagang nakakairita. I can’t help tuloy kanina but glare and look at them in an annoying manner. Kakainis at kakadagdag sa init ng ulong hatid ng matinding sikat ng araw. Grr talaga. Bwisit na mga Pilipino, walang disiplina.

At sa PNB naman, sana nung Wednesday e hinayaan nila na magbayad kami or yung UP Admin sana tsaka dapat dagdagan nila ang Windows sa enrollment, di naman kasi porket summer e onti mageenroll. Maraming rin o kasing dami rin ng reg sem ang nageenrol no. Hmp. Kainis talaga. Buti nalang, nawala badtrip ko kasi nagkita kami. :)

Ang Parusa ng MASA…

Ngayon, nagkukwentuhan kami ni JM tungkol sa mga weird naming panaginip na hindi namin inaasahan. Yung sa kanya, talagang masakit sa damdamin at gustung-gusto ko sana siyang tulungan. Pero wala rin akong magawa, kaya kinuwento ko rin yung sakin, medyo weird pero normal lang din naman kung tutuusin.

Ang hindi namin matanggap sa mga panaginip namin kagabi ay ang realidad na pag nangyari nga ito ay wala na kaming kawala. Masasaktan at masasaktan kami nang hindi namin inaasahan. Yung sa akin, ayos parin pero hindi naman kasi ako sigurado sa mangyayari, at saka parang masagwa rin naman yung nangyari. Kay JM naman, hindi naman siya karapat-dapat na masaktan nang ganoon, di siya deserving.

Bigla tuloy namin naisip na kasalanan namin kagabi kasi yung quiz app sa FB na Sinong Pinoy Papansin Personality Ka? e ang resulta ni JM si Dean Madame Auring ng MASA. Baka ika namin e pinaparusahan kami ng butihing dean namin. Hala. Pinagkatuwaan kasi namin kagabi eh. Sorry po Dean Madame! Madame Dean! Sorry sorry sorry…