Nokia N900

Humans are said to be known for not having enough for material things—yeah, I’m one of them so I should agree. For about 2 months, I’ve been eagerly eyeing this one of the latest from Nokia’s Nseries, and I’ve spent quite sometime looking for obviously a cheaper deal (I have heard it still is around 30 thou in the Nokia Philippines store). I was almost scammed on eBay during that process, and I rightfully won the claim and got a full refund (thank you, PayPal). The seller still told me he or she shipped the item and I could either pay for it (duh, after that long process and worrisome nights?) or return it to him or her. If that’s true, then I might be getting another N900 next month. Thinking of customs charges and other fees, I don’t think I’m getting that 450 USD worth mobile. I got the refund, period.

Anyway, I got what I wanted through a local store online. I just had some problems dealing with them through the phone, but everything went smoothly as they’ve stated. Got it in a so-so price, and my budget was just enough. The package I chose included an 8 GB micro SD and shipping insurance. I was really excited to open the box since Sunday night and I kept dreaming of using it. The reviews were astounding, and as compared to Apple Iphone 3GS, it is said that this one’s better (I was also aiming for that 3GS thing, but I decided not to since I’m not a Mac person). Air21 delivered it at around 9 am something, and here are some of the initial unboxing photos (taken by my former favorite smartphone, Samsung Touchwhiz F480):

              Here’s the opened box and all its contents (not in particular order): N900 phone, charger (with micro USB converter), CA-101 USB data cable, headset (with extra earplugs), manual (in color and one of the thinnest Nokia manuals I’ve ever had), BL-5J battery, video-out cable, cleaning cloth and the 8 GB micro SD (meaning they’ve already opened the box before I received it! haha).    

 

So I got the phone opened and inserted the Smart SIM I’ve had for ages, removed this black plastic cover and saw its shiny shiny touch surface":

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I turned it on for the first time in my hand and yeah, it was like this:

This is the back part. I liked it since it’s Blue in color (my favorite).

And so, for the next few hours, I can’t stop exploring it. :)

Took this photo hours and hours after. This is the cover of the box, and it’s somewhat embossed. Pretty cool.

 

 

 

 

I cannot add a detailed review here because you can see more specific and technical reviews in the net. What I achieved so far is using the stylus and avoiding my fingers to touch and touch (I was trained with my Samsung smartphone to only use my fingers since it has no stylus), connecting it with WLAN through ad hoc connection with my Acer laptop, using it with PC Suite 7, downloading apps and widgets for it through WLAN again, connecting my social networks to it, adding VoIP and IM accounts, setting up my 3 mails, watch a Youtube video through its Maemo browser, playing a full touch screen tetris game (haha), taking photos and videos, abusing the micro SD by loading it up with music and videos, using Firefox as browser there, listening to radio, synchronizing contacts with my other Nokia phone, receiving and sending files through Bluetooth, getting used with the QWERTY keypad, personalizing the phone and counting.

After long hours of spending time with it and draining its battery, I think now I’m already satisfied. Now I’m not really into the phone. Maybe one of these days I won’t be using it for a day or two. The phone hype is over. Till next year, I guess.

One of Those Days

It's here again. There's something about his hair, maybe about his fair complexion, in his smile and his physical features. I can't seem to get off my eyes on him. There's this gravitational pull making me want to glomp him and pull him closer to me. Yes, I could tell it is one of those days when I'm crazy over him. In fact, I could think mostly of him for many days continuously. Sometimes, it is his scent that draws me nearer, but today I can't actually tell. It's as if there's some unidentifiable source making me feel this way. I would love to just stare at him all day and do nothing, but I bet it would be as awkward as ever. I don't usually show my feelings of fondness and attraction towards him. Most of the time, he would just catch me staring deadpan at him with a quite obvious expression of awe and admiration. Honestly, I don’t know how to express myself when I find him cute, hot, or however attractive at any given time. It's just I had some telltale signs. He could figure it out. In fact, that could just be a sign that we're sort of contradictory entities.

I wanted to be as expressive as he seemingly is, but that would not be "me". It's unconventional, bizarre, and awkward to see me acting fangirlishly to the man I love in front of his face. Never could you see me in that state. I wish though that this feeling of wanting him beside me for hours and doing nothing would pass and die down eventually. I'm looking forward to the next day I see him. The truth is, every time I see him, the attraction gets to a higher level. It's insanely annoying for me since I cannot manage to see him everyday. I'm missing him more and more that maybe the next time we see each other, I'll tie him on our bedpost. Oh right. It's as if I'm missing some important point here. We were married almost a week ago. That's right. He's mine until death. Maybe now I could learn to use forever. We're stuck with each other legally as of this moment. I somehow find it like music to my ears; although the consequences and responsibilities are a little off my capacity right now. Anyway maybe I should enjoy the few months of us being the "happy couple" and drown in my fantasies of him while he's away. I don't assure though that I would find peace during these days that I'm admitting defeat over his charisma.

I Miss You.

It's like those times again, that I've been very insecure of all his activities--only this time I have proof and I found that all my doubts were real. I kind of said the dumbest things to him earlier, and maybe if he quite remembers well he would carry those words with him in his thoughts. I only said what I felt because I think I was so frustrated that life had been very good for him. But once I said that his life is easy, he would answer a big stoic no. Then he'd shoot me with his fiery I love you lines again, and now I'd counter them.

I only get that insecure when he keeps his cellphone close to him, as if he was waiting for his ladylove's messages and he has to reply without me looking. Also, he has this habit of texting so much now compared before. I am having a bad feeling about it, but I cannot confront him anyhow. I don't know whether I should spill the beans to anyone because they will just say, screw your gut feelings, he's probably not doing anything. You know how good he is, and so on. He has this generally charismatic image to anyone and at most you would believe he's really a cool guy. I have seen his downside, have I really?

Of course, another part of these never ending insecurity dramas is his change of clothing, looks and demeanor. His newly built self-confidence and ego must've been brought by some other girl, of course not me--his subtly controlling fiancée. It seems as if our self-confidence are inversely proportional values: while his goes up, mine goes down. Yeah. It sucks but that's how it really is and was from the beginning. We never complete each other, we just complement and our relationship will make the other one go up and the other sink lower.

Whatever that must be really, I still miss how he treats me before all of these had happened. In the event that I have not been pregnant, would he be still his old sulky self that is so much more clingy than what he is now? I guess I like the new him better, although yeah I would want his emotional self back then to reappear. I admire him more for his newfound confidence, but I am really worried on what this would cause me. I guess the great depression is back.

I’m Getting Hitched. For Real.

It was just like yesterday when I thought of ending my 4-year long relationship with my first boyfriend. It was chaotic. Maybe I was some sort of a confused individual that time, or something like that, and he was a depressed person who needed attention. I just felt like quitting of course with a lot of things alongside it, and he just felt like ending his life because of the so-called breakup, if it was true back then. Whichever the reason was, I couldn’t actually point my finger on it. That event was filled with drama, foolishness, and bitterness; I had to think rationally and dump some logic behind. That, however, might have been the main cause why things turned this way.

And now, almost 8 months later, we’re about to get married and have a baby. My life did a fast-forward on that and made a pause on my academic life, and probably a stop on my social life. Was I too reckless it ended up like this? I can’t help but look back at what I have been doing: which part did this mess originated from? Was it  during high school when I got involved with him or the time I decided to leave PCA and move to another school where I had met him? Or maybe it was the time when I’ve let my guard off and had things done his way? I can’t tell exactly. It’s just either it was originally from my past actions that sequentially led me to this or it’s because of my lack of common sense as the years pass by.

I still feel bad about everything that I really like blaming him for all of these (which is obviously wrong since I took part doing the sin somehow). The thing is, I won’t be able to do what a normal 20-year old girl would from this point on—party, hang-out with friends till dawn, attend multiple sleepovers, boy hunting with girl friends, and so on. Plus, I didn’t get the chance to have another 2 or more boyfriends. I was stuck with one from the beginning, and I wouldn’t know what it feels like to have a break-up for real (I believe what we had was fake). I won’t get the chance to mingle with singles and enjoy what my friends are enjoying right now.

Most of all, I had ruined my college education. I’d be delayed for another year, which is quite a long time before I graduate from the university.

I know it’s too late for me to regret everything since I have already made a decision about this thing called marriage. It didn’t take me a long time to think about it—did I have a choice that time? Probably yes, I could have just pondered on it many, countless times and decide on it according to what suits me best. I didn’t have that thinking though, because I was pressured and all by everyone in my family. It’s yet another case of an early marriage in our clan, and the solution is to get married. Good thing I didn’t have to prod and push him to marry me. Besides, it was him who had thought of that idea even before I got pregnant. The difference is that he had planned it after my 21st birthday.

I wonder if I’m actually doing the right thing. A couple of my friends had asked me if I was ready and sure about this. I didn’t have much reason to hesitate. I don’t really know which path I’m going at the first place, with or without this incident. So maybe this is the right thing to do. But still, I’m pessimistic about it, as usual. It’s clearly not a fairytale ending for me.

After 2 years…!

I finally found the ENGLISH Translation for Suki Dakara, my phenomenal theme song for the year 2008. Thanks to http://namiichan.wordpress.com, I finally have it. This song is sooooo memorable for me because it was especially dedicated for a certain someone last 2008. During those times, I thought this song would be the right one for you even though I barely knew the English meaning. :) To *****, Stay happy and successful! This one’s for you, though I’m finally over you…

 

See you later, we waved our hands
the figure of your back is already like that,
swaying, it becomes small in the evening wave of people

The words you gave me, one by one
remembering them, I closed my eyes
even though only the happy thoughts should be here
I become uneasy, I wonder why my heart quivers

I want to tell you more, these feelings overflowing like that
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

Turning around and running off
I want to go and chase after you but
the loneliness of evening swallowed that kind of courage

Within your smiling face, I am there
just a little bit separated
it’s like I’ve become a lost child, about to cry
if I were docile, I could live even without these kind of feelings

Only an empty me exists here, crying out
because I love you, because I love you
because I absolutely love you

March!

I’m not really excited for March. It’s just that another month has passed and I’m getting near my due date. I would want this torturous pregnancy. Okay, let’s make it lighter. It’s not that torturous, maybe 75%. I’ve been totally stressed in the first to second trimester, but luckily I had not experienced the so-called morning sickness and all that pregnancy symptoms. I’m one of the few lucky women. It’s just that I could not adjust to my new weight that I am experiencing difficulties in WALKING. Oh yes, walking. Sometimes, I would thought that I would be paralyzed before I could give birth. It’s very agonizing. Each step kills me. I wonder if it is some twisted ligament or veins that caused the pain. I would just wonder, I don’t know who to ask for answers.

Come to think of it, this is the first time I’ve talked about my pregnancy in my blog directly. I guess the big bump must’ve gotten obvious to my senses. And of course add the actual thing in my tummy that moves and disturbs me even when I’m asleep. Add the fact that I’m bugged by people around me about it. I don’t know if I’m really happy and excited about this whole thing, maybe half or so, but this change in my life definitely hasn’t been grasped by my brain yet. I’m still wishfully thinking that this is just all a nightmare. Anyway, before it actually happened, I’m quite aware that the occurrence of this is of a high possibility, that is why I wasn’t surprised or anything, even my parents. Good thing I told them about my frivolous actions beforehand. That lessened the damage and anger, I think.

I guess I’ll just be positive about this because my face can’t bear the breakouts any longer. I’m sure the stress from the past 6 months caused the super duper breakout of acne. Dang, I have to cope with acne scars and some acne building up again. Besides, my eye bags have grown compared when I was at school. I may conclude that unwanted pregnancy can cause thrice the stress than studying in full load at college everyday. It has been proven in my case. Another thing this caused me is my self-confidence to drop at near zero. Also, my insecurity level had gone to the highest level possible. I don’t know if it’s just the hormones raging right now, but yeah it did a lot of negativity in my normal and abnormal way of living. If I’d undergo this again, I don’t know what else I would experience that is detrimental for me.

Clean Slate?

Kung babalikan ko ang mga naganap sa buhay ko nung nakaraang apat na taon, masasabi kong malaki nga rin ang naging pagkukulang ko. Pwede ring ako rin pala ay may kailangang pagbayaran at “ganti” lang din ang mga naganap last year. Pero nang dahil sa pride ko, hindi ko pa rin matanggap na maaari ngang ang insecurities ko ang may kagagawan sa dinaranas kong kung ano man ito.

Maganda ang kahulugan ng idiom na may kinalaman sa title ng blog post kong ito. Clean slate. Start anew, walang prejudice, hindi na iisipin ang nakaraan. Kung gaano man kaganda ang intensyon mo ay ganoon din kahirap gawin iyon. Hindi rin madalian kung magkakalimutan man ang pag-uusapan, lalo na sa katulad kong matalas ang memorya para sa mga karumal-dumal na bagay.

Hyperbole na kung hyperbole, pero maaari kong i-classify na krimen ang mga naganap last year. Siguro kung ita-tally ko ang akin at ang kanya e mas madami ang sticks nung sakin. Kaya lang, pag naiisip ko naman yung sa kanya at lulutang ang pagkaparanoid ko e wala nang mararating ang mga guilt trip ko pag gabi. Bigla nanaman akong matutuliro sa kaiisip ng mga kung anu-anong mga bagay. Minsan nga hindi ko nalang iniintindi, pero pag nag-umpisa na yan, heto na at babalik ang nakaraan.

Iyon din kaya ang gumugulo sa kanya?

Hindi ko iniintindi kung ano kasi ang pakiramdam nya. Oo, inaamin kong insensitive ako at magaling din sa accusations. Hindi rin ako open sa mga saloobin ko kaya nakikimkim ang kung anong ideas pagkatapos e ipapakita ko nalang ang aking grudges. Tapos ito namang isa walang clue (o posible ring alam nya pero hindi niya dinederetso). Sa tingin ko naman dapat sa ngayon ay wala na rin kaming pag-aalinlangan sa isa’t-isa. Hindi magtatagal wala na kaming magagawa kundi unawain ang mga ka-weirdohan at tanggapin iyon nang maluwag.

Sana lang ganyan palagi ang naiisip ko. Pwede rin naman kasing hindi nalang talaga pansinin ang mga ganito’t-ganyan. Kaso, iba pa rin naman ang obvious at ang kakaibang kutob. Magulo lang talaga. Pwede ko ring sisihin ang kalagayan ko ngayon, pero hindi na pwede sigurong sisihin ang mood swings kasi lakpas na ko sa bahaging iyon. Siguro yung “hormonal” na lang, pasado pa. Dapat siguro pinag-iisipan ko talaga ang mga sinasabi ko. Kasi naman pag joke, minsan sabi ko “half-meant” or hindi ko nasasabi na “joke lang,”. Sana EWAN nalang ang sagot sa lahat ng tanong tapos bahala na kung totoo o hindi, with no hard feelings.

Kailan kaya ako makakapag-isip nang matino tungkol dito? Feeling ko kasi maiksing oras na lang ang natitira para sa conclusion.