MALI!

Haha, ano ba yan. Sa lahat ng masesend, at ng masesendan, sa kanya pa.

Haay. Wah. Anu nalang yon. :(

Haay kakahiya.

Haay.

Haaaay…

Mobile Phone

Pagkatapos ng 141, bumaba kaming tatlo. Naupo sa may gilid ng lobby. Walang silya. Pinagpilian na ang mga topic sa term paper. Nagmamadali si Karl kaya minadali namin. Tinanong nya kung ano number ni Karl, tapos itinuro naman niya ako. Edi naisip kong hanapin na sa mobile ko yung number.

Naglakad na kami papuntang cafeteria. Nakita ko na. Edi inabot ko sa kanya para kopyahin nya. Sabi ko, bilis-bilisan naman nya. Aba, at lalo namang binagalan! Sabi ko, nananadya ka yata e. Tapos sabi nya, ay mali na tuloy dapat ko nang uliting kopyahin. Naglakad ako ng pabaliktad hanggang narating namin yung back exit. Tapos nawala na sa isip ko yung mobile.

Bumili na kami ng makakain. Baked mac. Nakakuha na ko ng yelo para sa C2 apple kong boring kasi di na malamig. Bumalik ako sa mesa namin sa labas, inagawan ko siya ng silya. Naupo kami. Kumain. Patapos na siya at kinukulit ko sya tungkol sa mobile ko. Sabi nya, binigay ko na sayo. Ganun nang ganun ang sagot nya. Nainis ako. Siyempre, ginamitan ko ng death glare. Sabi ko, wala ako sa mood makipaglokohan ngayon. Alam ko nasayo pa yun. Ipinilit nyang wala parin. Tapos nauwi sa ano raw ba makukuha nya pag inagaw at di nya ibalik yon sakin. Sagot ko, pwede mo kong i-blackmail. Sabi nya, ano rin maidudulot ng blackmailing nya sakin. Sagot ko naman, marami. Tumahimik kaming parehas habang ipinapakita ko paring naiinis ako (kahit di naman gaano). Sabi ko, ibalik mo na. Sagot nya, make me. Tapos dagdag nya, may extra akong damit, kahit ibuhos mo yang pasta sakin. Sabi ko, gusto mo ng away? I don’t mind ang sagot nya. Ah ganun, sabi ko naman tapos tiningnan ko nanaman siya nang masama.

Pagkatapos ng kung anu-anong mga sinabi pa ay hinugot na nya sa bulsa nya at sabi nya, sige na nga. Inaabot nya sakin. Sabi ko na parang nag-uutos, ilapag mo. Ayaw niya. Tinuktok ko yung mesa. Ibaba mo rito, inulit ko. Ayaw nya. Tinuloy ko pagkain ko, at sinabi kong mangangalay siya. Ayos lang daw, kaliwang kamay naman daw gagamitin nya. Hindi na ko sumagot, tinapos ko na yung pasta. Inexplore nya yung cel at may mga password nga sa files. Tinanong nya skin yung password. Ayokong ibigay. SIyempre no. Tapos kinuhanan nya ko ng litratong panakaw. Haha. Nalinlang ako dun a. Tapos kinuha ko na.

Pinuna nya yung pic ko sa harap. Kala nya naging boyfriend ko rin yung kapatid ng best friend ko. Sabi ko naman, bata yan hamak no. Sagot nya, e mukha kayong high school dito. Sabi ko, last sem lang kaya yan! Di siya naniniwala, at mukha raw talaga akong high school don. Tapos sabi ko akala ko ba maaga kang aalis ngayon. E hayaan ko na raw yun. May klase ako, kaya tumayo na ako. Sumunod siya at lumabas na kami, habang nagkwentuhan nanaman ng kung anu-ano.

Ang labo niya, pero kaya ko pala siyang takutin… nang konti. Haha. Nakakatakot ba ko? Di kaya. :)

Crescendo

I just checked some comment on my Facebook. Len is my primary photo, and I’m proud of it :) Anyone could be his fan. Who couldn’t resist his charm?

Anyway, this post is not about Len, nor La Corda D’oro ~Primo passo~. It’s about the word itself in the title—crescendo. I tried to recall my music lessons, or something that would remind me of its meaning, but I couldn’t relate anything to it but the crescent. So I decided to google it. Lol.

And so I came up with the meaning about peak, climax, and intensity. So there it went, I thought of all other things that I could associate to it. I can’t think of anything but the song! The first lines reverberate in my head.

ichibyou goto ni kimi ga ITOSHIIzutto... mune no kodou ga hibiite irufutari de aruku kaerimichi futo damarikomubukiyou de tsutaerarenai omoi

And so there it went. I still couldn’t think of anything properly, thanks to these past few days. Ignore mantra shall be done. Thanks for the reminder. And so the mantra goes along with the song…

 

Drowning, Tormented, What?!

Do you know what it’s like to drown? I don’t. Well, sort of.

Okay. So I’m so not in the mood to write something as good as the papers which were graded 1, but let me be this time. I need to write to relieve this eerie feeling.

Did I cry? Oh come on, I DIDN’T!! You’re lying.

:(

I so wanna scream.

What?

Did I just say that?

Tell-All? Not Quite.

I returned to our house only to know that I need to raise the white flag, or the SOS flag, or anything that I need to do to ah… forget it. Erase. Okay, so I went home, got struck by something, realized I did wrong things, and also decided that it’s not worth my time. I tried the ignore mantra taught to me but it didn’t work out. So I started exploring Facebook and Plurk, and it alleviated my unusual heavy feeling and that. I saw many interesting things there, and also in Plurked I could use Japanese characters already. Wow. I used chrome and was delighted to be able to use the Java uploader for Facebook. Ah, wait. THIS IS ALL IRRELEVANT TO WHAT I WANTED TO SAAAY!! Anyway, sort of relevant. Teeny bit. A little. Just like that. Yes.

I wanted to punch something and strangle anything but it will help me more if it were a human or a living thing. God, I feel so stupid. Or maybe I should say that I did not start this. I want to clear myself. It all started long ago in 2007. Ah, great. Now I’m talking of nonsense that’s sooo irrelevant now. This one is.

I still feel bad when I look into my PC. God, I wanna fly away and escape. Or maybe turn back time and delete everything that would remind me of… argh. This is all meaningless. I hate myself.

It’s Raining LEAVES!!

The sight of them just made my jaw drop. When I took a short leisurely stroll along CBA and SE earlier, man, the leaves just struck me. I crossed from there to Sunken and saw more leaves. I suddenly wondered if I’m in the Autumn season or what. Doesn’t matter if they’re too messy in one’s sight, but definitely for me it was wonderful.

Leaves continued to fall down from various trees along SE. The wind accompanied them. It was pretty much a sight, and I was struck by it. When I checked the time, it’s time for me to go home. I really don’t want to leave the place I was standing, but I have to.

Will there be leaves again tomorrow? I wonder if the sweepers could finish those whooping piles of dried leaves scattered along Sunken and SE. There’s really a lot of them.

The Mango Shake

I wouldn’t wonder why my head aches this much tonight. Earlier, it’s my treat again, and I ordered nilagang baka. He ordered just palabok. So we ate again together, under the heat of the sun outside the cafeteria. There were peculiarly many people that lunchtime, and we bet they’re not UP students (or NCPAG Students to say the least). He finished first as usual, and I continued chatting with him while he does his Accounting 1 assignment. I wanted to take his picture while seriously engaged in his school work, but honestly I can’t make myself do it. It’s quite embarrassing.

I saw the Ate bringing some halo-halo to the unknown people beside us. Well, our table for two is located at the corner on the door’s side, and so I could practically see the delivered food to other people. So I told him, I wanted halo-halo but not the ube, and all I finish up is the leche flan. He chuckled, and told me that he also dislikes the ube flavor—but is eating the ube itself. When we talked about the ice cream, it was agreed that we both dislike it. Next deliveries were fruit shakes of  different flavors. I kinda craved for it again, and told him that. He offered to go and buy me my drink—my choice whether the usual cola, halo-halo or the fruit shake. So I happily took my purse and gave him 25 pesos.

He asked me what flavor of the shake will he order. I replied Mango instantly, and if there’s no Mango, anything will do but Strawberry and Ube. So he nodded and briskly walked back to the inner cafeteria. He returned only with the number 15, and we chatted again. The sun continued burning us to dehydration, so when I noticed he’s almost done with his assignment, I told him to go back inside with me. He agreed, and we continued chatting inside. The minutes we spent outside in the heat really made me feel sick. He laughed when I said that I’ll catch a cold under the heat of the sun.

After some meaningful talk, I asked him to follow-up the order. He did, and he noticed the pasta we’ve been waiting for. We both sighed in disappointment. The pasta came when we’re just done with our food. We checked the time, and I said it’s too late for me to come to 113. So we stayed till my shake returned. I was busy texting that time that I couldn’t drink it ASAP. He joked about how the shake might turn out, and I laughed, unable to start drinking. Then he took away from me the shake and threatened that he might take it to his next class (since my class is at the library). We had this bullying streak again. When I whined, he stopped and gave it back to me. After a few sips, I wanted to go to class, and he took it again from me, this time telling me that it’s his and he’ll take it with him. I snatched it away from me and told him that when I drank half of it, it’s his.

But he stood up and told me he’ll be late and he’s disappointed he didn’t have my shake’s remaining content. I smiled as he bade goodbye. He promised we’ll chat later, so I nodded in agreement. And so, that was the story of the Mango Shake…

Tumbling Down

Like blocks, every single thing in our life composes us and makes us whole. And when some block gets off the tower, it could either ruin the entire tower or not do any effect on it. That’s the same as little things that we experience everyday. And the only thing is it’s hard to rebuild our tower—especially if its something intangible.

So much for citing something and the like, I would just want to share some things me and my guy friend RA had talked about earlier. It’s all about interim relationships. First, let’s clearly define what interim here means.

In my POV, interim means an interval. In Pinoy slang, panakip-butas. In short, sort of rebound. Both of the parties just broke up with their previous partners and found solace in each other. So that’s what happened between him and her # 2. They were each other’s interims. Oh well, they had fun, as he told me. But in the end, he broke her heart. He couldn’t love her.

Kiss and Make Up

This sounds like a crazy phrase, but it actuality, it could be “Kiss and Make out”. Haha, not funny. Anyway, earlier I met with my estranged for two days you-know-who in Trinoma, and yes, it was a KaMo. Haha. Oh well, that was the one last thing I could ever think we’ll be doing—to meet somewhere there and do the usual Time Zone and lunch date. Of course, it’s at Mc Donald’s since it’s my recent addiction.

Anyway, after eating, we spent 35 pesos for a sketch-like thingy on paper (one which is computerized of course) “game” (or let’s say it’s an “activity” whatever) at Time Zone, the Van Gogh. It makes your sketch and you can pick whether it will be like penciled, charcoaled, and so on. So there it went. We had that sketch thingy for only one copy (35 credits, still a lot even though I got he Student Pack where 150 pesos will be equivalent to 200 credits). We played the usual games found in Robinsons and SM Megamall, and also the different new ones like Jump Rope, and others. Later in the afternoon, it was the ling bus ride again and I slept. The usual, I say. But that usual is something most of the people won’t understand, nor know about.

Bwah, we’re good again. But as I’ve said, it’s lesser compared to before. Yes, confusing. Things would not be the same again.

 

Haha, inverted ung paper I mean baliktad. Wrong side printed. Oh well,

One More Chance

The best of romances,
deserve second chances

I don’t believe in this line of a certain song. And also, I don’t like the concept of the John Lloyd-Bea film with the same title in my post.  As my friend said, it’s mostly about love lost… and found.

Once you lose something, it’s never coming back to you.

But if you insist of getting it back, chances are it will work—but most of the things that are essential have already flown away. You’ll only have something that’s a mere per cent of what you actually lost.

You will acquire it, but not of the same value.

Just like when Syaoran traded his existence in Sakura’s heart in return for the chance to travel around the dimensions and gather her memories—it won’t return: their love for each other.

I know it’s another thing, but it is how actually things work around here. Pretty much the morale of the anime. And trust me, I experienced that already.

Second chances are not good. They are for the worst.

CSC- NCR Office Adventure

For the first time, I wasn’t lost at all. My observation powers worked correctly. Plus, I used a new route to school earlier. Everything went smoothly, till the end.

I wasn’t as happy nor as normal as I am usually acting, but then I could clearly remember what my purpose is today. That is, to be oriented for our SLO aka OJT for PA 121 at CSC-NCR. I was so ready for some other accidents, getting losts, and all others except this: our Prof’s letter wasn’t sent there!!

I didn’t panic. I texted a couple of friends and unavailable classmates during that instance. I even Plurked using my mobile phone! (credits to PhPlurk).

Anyway, they gave me some guidelines on how we can have our OJT using the letter ma’am supposedly sent the Central Office. Okay, so they gave me fax numbers and that. I promised to return within this week. I would really love to experience an OJT with them.

Upon going home, I had a leisurely walk along Gateway and Araneta Coliseum. The wind was cool although there’s sunlight. It was relaxing, and I forgot some of the things I was worrying about—till I saw two people. The song Wakatte Ita Hazu played on my mind. I sang it inside my head, and a little bit to myself. I recalled some of the things, and suddenly I felt bad. I needed to go to Jollibee and eat.

The way home isn’t as fast as I expected it to be, and I was glad that the radio station of the PUJ I was in played beautiful contemporary songs. Those were what I needed to calm me down. I finished my Coke Light halfway through the ride, and I held on to my trash as usual till I found a waste bin. Luckily, at Rosario, there’s the Metro Aide trolley (what? How do we call those push-cart-like thingies where they throw trash?"). And as I entered the subdivision, everything came back to me. I sighed…

ENDLESS STORY

作詞: D.A.Thomas & ats 作曲: D.A.Thomas

If you haven’t changed your mind
そばにいてほしいよ Tonight

強がることに疲れたの
幼すぎたの Everytime I think about you baby
今なら言える I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に

Memories of our time together
消さなで このまま don’t go away

あたたかく溶けだして 確かめるの
優しさのしずく この胸にひろがってく
切ないほどに I’m missing you
重ねた手 離さないで

たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない STORY 絶え間ない愛しさで
Tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に

たとえば 誰かのためじゃなく あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 続くこの輝きに
Always 伝えたい ずっと永遠に

たとえば 叶うなら もう一度あなたのために
歌いたい この歌を
終わらない story 絶え間ない愛しさで
Tell me why 教えてよ ずっと永遠に

ENDLESS STORY (English)

Lyrics: D.A.Thomas  Translation: Jonathan Wu

If you haven’t changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I’m so tired of always having to bluff
Every time I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It’s so hard to say I’m sorry

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I want to show you, forever and ever

Memories of our time together
this way, they don’t go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I’m missing you
please don’t let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I want to show you, forever and ever

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

Despair

I looked up at a certain collection of stuff said, and found out that yesterday’s things have been deleted. I didn’t mind everything that went on yesterday and last night, but now and of course this morning, it all sunk in. My chest suddenly felt the upheaval I already expected to come. I assured myself calmly of all positive things that there is… but now, none of them seemed helpful. My head is filled swirling thoughts—possibly created by guilt and regret. If it is not because of certain things I saw myself, I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe it’s better that yesterday’s things said were gone… so as we won’t recall it ever happened. However, the feeling and the pain remained with us—and something was lost in the process. I know it can never return, I’ve let go of something I could not have again. Everything will drop down to a negative degree, and it will take more years to get back to the positive than to forget what happened. I am certainly unhappy about it. I know I can’t live without the loss anymore. This reeks. My entire system got caught in it. I guess we could never be the same again, never again… Goodbye to you…

Not long after this, all the sweetness will be gone and all that's left is a bitter aftertaste...

Stupidity

Like something? keep it.

Hate something? throw it.

What about if you’re in the borderline of liking and hating?

Isn’t it stupid?

I don’t know what to do.

Damn.

Relentless

Argh.

I can’t put up words to make paragraphs now.

This could be an outstanding effect of Plurking in me.

It’s always been like this.

I give up in the end.

I seemed to have hurt someone in the end.

Then guilt strikes back.

I wish it won’t work now.

I have had enough.

Kill this conscience. Annihilate this guilt. Exterminate these emotions.

Could anyone do that for me?

 

Annoying

Someone annoyed me to the last straw today.

He said he didn’t mean it.

If he really didn’t mean it, well I don’t really care.

He said sorry, but I don’t think he means it.

Like I care.

But then, I feel more annoyed.

I don’t think I’d still want see him tomorrow.

Or see him at all.

That’s what he deserves.

For all those times he tickled me to death, and those annoying phrases he said.

Everything has a price to pay.

If only I could say that I don’t want to be with him any longer…

I’d probably say those words one of these days.

Wait for it.

And when I do, we’re over.

Swear.

Fun-Loving

Earlier today, it was decided that I was allowed to go on a movie date. It was supposedly at the Rizal Park in our plans, but then it backfired since we came out from my house late. Going to rakuens and that needed to be early in the morning. Anyway, we just had our breakfast at Rob and decided to spend an hour and a half playing different new games at Time zone. Right after that, we had to go to the movies and watch Confessions of a Shopaholic and have a good time.

After that, we decided to go for the next film which will be shown at 4:20 in the afternoon. So we decided to go for some dessert—BTIC (Yogurt ice cream) and then Ribbon fries, before we ate our merienda—Burger King burgers and fries. Valkyrie is the next film and it was another good 1 hour and 50 minutes. Then it’s time to go home.

Later in the evening, after watching Imbestigador, we had to watch the film which took our attention at AotS (Attack of the Show, a G4TV show), Office Space. And we just finished it. Wooh. Talking about being a movie buff. It really is fun. :)

Back at Time Zone

Wooh! Earlier I was so grounded. Yeah, I wasn’t allowed to go to the date movie with my you-know-who. Anyway, I was absent for 113 because of our assignment in 141. I was with my classmate Albert and then I suddenly wanted to go to the mall and shop for DVDs. So he tagged along and decided to be absent for his classes. Anyway, we decided to go to Megamall together, so I texted my boyfriend to meet us there. We rode the MRT green jeep, and obviously the MRT to Ortigas station. Then we walked as we talked, then to Comic Alley we went. Afterwards, we went to 2Rats aka Comic Quest, then passed by Time Zone. He swiped his card randomly on a game—Percussion Kids—and it worked! He still has a free game left. I played and on the second round I failed… afterwards, my boyfriend arrived and bought me credits. Then using my student ID, the 150 pesos became 200 worth of credits. Then we played challenge games. First was basketball, and I won—scoring 18 points. Then the bowling wherein I lost, and he scored 82 while I scored 78. After that, the Fireman thingy—I also lost. Finally, the boys played Time Crisis 3 for a loong time (not quite). They’re quite good. After that, time to go home. Haha, luckily my mom wasn’t here yet… and I was not scolded :D

Defense Mechanism

I think of people as something with an automatic barrier when they are about to get hurt—whether that be emotionally (most of the time) or physically. Aw, I do hate it when it is switched on. Some people are mostly annoying when their defenses are on. The tendency to me is to continuously insist my point and not be fazed by that. What happens is that I hurt that person more. And so, I get annoyed more…

Hmn, Posts are getting shorter here. Is this because of micro-blogging? Duh. Tell me about it.

Plurk

Ang Plurk. Di ko alam ang ibig sabihin nito. Ingles ba yan? Siguro nga. Anyway, isa nanaman ito sa roster ng social networks na nauuso sa mga kabatch at di ko kabatch. Basta dun sa mga mahilig magblog at makipagsosyalan sa net. Nang dahil dito, nabawas-bawasan ang pagYYM namin at ang kaka-Live namin. Hala. Useless na nga pagiging online e. Well, for some na buhay sa pakikipagchat gaya ko nakakapanibago talaga ang pagbabago.

Kasalanan din ng Plurk kung bat kumonti ang posts ko sa blog kong to. Kakatuwa rin pala yon, nung una sobrang complex tapos when you get used to it okay naman pala. Haha. Sige dun muna ko…

Sorry, FS blog. Maiiwanan muna kita. :)

The House

No, this is not a horror film nor an American Sitcom. It’s one of the parts of the 3 branches of government—specifically the Legislature. House of the Representatives was our trip destination earlier. Yeah, I got bummed in typing here because of Plurking (although it’s still confusing). Later!

Doomsday

Shush me or whatever, but I just thought of this earlier today. What could possibly happen on doomsday? Are we already dead by that time or will we see the earth crumble into pieces while we are going to be all dead?

Needle-pricked, Rope-burned

I really have no idea how this should feel, but… what if the person you allegedly love said something you really don’t want to hear? Something painful was uttered by that person, and you’re not sure if it was either implied, suggested, true, or a simple practical joke. Will it hurt you so much that you want to strangle that person but at the same time hold that person tighter and would not let go?

What would it mean to you then? Would you still love this person? Or will you accept what that person just told you as it is?

I don’t know how many times I have said terrible words to someone. I don’t even know that I already said something terrible. I’m always the one who tactlessly and straight-forwardly says things that could either make the person I’m talking to understand the reality or break the fragile feelings of a sensitive person. I think I should really think first before I speak. Most importantly, I’ll try screening what I say—because that can either take away my happiness or deny what I totally mean. I always withdraw my true feelings since I don’t want to get hurt in the end, which subsequently hurts someone badly.

I’m so sorry I said those things. I wasn’t thinking at all. I didn’t mean it, really.

Happily Ever After

Since V-day naman, naiinspire ang scenario writing mode ko sa romance. Maraming thoughts ako ngayon, so gusto ko lang i-share.

Do you believe in happy endings? E sa once upon a time? Bago kasi yung happily ever after, once upon a time muna. If you won’t start there, then there will be no happy ending.

Kaso, elusive nga yon. Like I said sa isang friend before, wala talagang ganung nag-eexist. Since no human is perfect, definitely sa buhay nila wala ring perfection. Falsehood lang ang lahat ng iyon. They were written to be fantasized, idealized. Hanggang dun na lang, nonetheless. Wala naman tayong control dun. Unless we thought of it as the version of a less-than-perfect happy ending.

Marami na kong friends na nainlove. Tipong unahan na ko sa lahat, kahit don. Naunahan nila akong mag Gradeschool since di sila ng Prep school. Naunahan din akong mag grade 6 graduation. Siyempre, pati pag-apak sa high school, at ang magkalovey-dovey. Then of course, pati sa heartbreaks naunahan ako.

Ayun, yung isang case e 5 years sila together. Okay yung guy, yung tipong dreamy guy talaga. Almost perfect for her. Too kind, too sweet, too much for a gentleman. Bigla nalang nawalan sila ng time for each other. At dun nalang natapos ang 5 years nila. Sad, but my friend has moved on. Yung guy? Ayun, till now gustong magkabalikan sila. But since my friend has a new guy and nagkaron din yung guy ng isang suicidal girlfriend, wala na silang chance together again.

Yung isa ko pang girl friend, sa chat nakakakilala ng guys for her. Once, there was this guy na instant boyfriend nya. Okay naman daw, but he’s uptight. Medyo mahirap pakisamahan. Ayun, to the point na nasasaktan na siya. It didn’t last for 2 months. 1 and a half lang. Wala naman paki yung friend ko. Hanap ulit, till may dalawang nagpass by at ang bilis ng relationships na yon. Yung latest instant boyfriend from YM nya ngayon seems to be her dream guy. I really hope na magtagal na to this time.

Yung last kong ikukwento ay may long-time younger boyfriend naman. College na kami, sila parin but the guy is still in high school. Two years younger yun, so she had to be the matured one talaga. Well since he’s too young to be that responsible sa isang relationship, they broke up. College parin kami ngayon, and she has a new boyfriend. High school ulit. She really prefers younger kids. Well, babyface naman siya saming lahat sa barkada. So ayun, sila parin yata.

I often wonder kung na-achieve nga ng mga married people ang happy endings na they picked for themselves. Is it really plausible? I doubt it. Really.

Nakaw-tingin

May cute guy sa may gilid mo. Katabi mo ang boyfriend mo. Di naman halatang tinitingnan mo sya. Pa-glance glance lang ba. Aba, tumingin din sayo. Okay. Para bang may instant attraction. Cute ka rin naman. Cute din siya. Yung type mo talaga. Instantaneous na ito. Lingon na kayo nang lingon sa isa’t-isa. Kala mo ikaw lang yung napapalingon. Di pala. Nahuli mo siya. Nakatitig rin sayo. E nandon nga yung boyfriend mo. Ano, maguguilty ka ba?

Minsan ang feeling mo, sayang. Panghihinayang. Ay, iisipin mo pa: “Kung single kaya ako ngayon, makakausap ko kaya tong guy na to?” or “Hihingin kaya nya ang number ko pag di nya alam na may boyfriend na ko?”. Yung tipong ganun. Nakakahiya mang isipin, nagkukrus yan sa lahat siguro ng may relationship. Aminado ako dun, guilty rin naman ako sa ganun. Kaya nga minsan napapabuntung-hininga nalang ako. Wala nang magagawa kasi iyon ang pinili ko.

E pano kung iba naman ang scenario: si one true first love mo ang lumapit sayo. Like ka rin daw nya. E you’re not single anymore. Pano na?

Malabo naman siguro yun no. :) Suntok sa buwan, ika nga.

Mahirap Nang Maniwala

Minsan napapaisip ako sa mga taong sabi nang sabi na ganto, ganyan. Kasi masyadong inuunahan ka, tapos assertive masyado. Yung parang ipinipilit nyang isipin mong ganun siya kabuti at wala kang dapat ikabahala. Alam mo yun, yung sobrang assurance kasi minsan nakakaduda talaga at nakakatakot. Kasi parang nagiging defensive yung tao ang dating para sakin. Kunyari diba iiinsist mong di ka guilty kahit guilty ka nga, tapos pag wala naman talagang direct na tanong sayo tungkol sa posible mong gawin, bigla kang magsasalita na “Hindi ko gagawin yon” o “Hindi ko ginawa yon”. Diba? Talagang parang obvious na guilty at naghuhugas-kamay. Hehe.

Pero kung hindi man lahat ng instances ay ganon, e siguro me gusto lang makuha. Basta. Napakacomplicated ng mga tao at hindi tao para paniwalaan mo kagad. Kasi, mahirap na baka sa huli, alam mo naman talagang malakas ang gut feeling at instincts mo pero di ka naniwala—magsisi ka pa. Kaya dapat lang na wag magcommit masyado. Malay mo yung nagsasabi sayong committed na sila e di naman pala totoo. Sayang lang ang pagod mo.

Kung ako sayo, wag ka nalang masyadong maging defensive. Magreresulta lang kasi sa resurgence ng doubt yun e. Para ka kasing guilty at nanghihingi palagi ng assurance. Bakit, wala kang tiwala? Kasi kung wala naman, baka dapat kasi di ka rin pagkatiwalaan. Advice ko lang yun bilang friend. Wag pahalata, okay? Cheers.

A Bittersweet Life

Title ito ng isang Korean Film. Hehe, di naman ito ang ikukwento ko dahil di ko pinanood at wala akong balak na panoorin ang film na ito. Action kasi masyado. Anyway, napakarami raw BITTTER ngayong Valentine’s Day. Sinu-sino ba tong mga to? Karamihan kaklase at mga dating kaklase ko. Dateless. Hehe. Isa ako dun, so bitter din ba ako? Hmn. Bitter? Bittersweet? Hehe. Parang Meiji Black o any other dark choco. Di ko maexplain. Oh, san ka pa?

Basta, sarap ng tulog ko buong araw. Okay na ring walang date sa hapon o umaga o gabi ng V-day, kaninang madaling araw kasi natapos yung akin. Haha, weird. Oh well, di naman kasi kami nagcecelebrate nyan. Siguro last yata na saktong V-day ang date e nung freshie pa ko or nung 4th year high school…? Ewan ko rin e. :) Di na rin uso ang blue roses, nagpapakapraktikal na ang mga tao. Hehe. Me bago kasing pinagkakagastusan. Tsaka ngayon, di rin naman ako kasama nya. Ay, eto ba yung bitter part? Tatawa nalang ako. Niyaya naman ako, pero alam nyang di ako sasama and papayagan. Psh. Obvious ba? Hehe, defensive?

Haay, sabihin man nilang Valentine’s date ni ano ako kahapon e di naman totoo yon. Nagkataon lang na naghaharutan kami at magkasamang kumakain ng lunch. Okay, so yung lunch part e planado nga. Salitan kami eh. :) Ang nararamdaman ko dun?

A bit bitter. Pero nung nareceive ko ung “concerned” nyang text kaninang madaling araw, natuwa naman ako dun. Natouch ba. It was rather sweet, kahit di mo aminin.

Ang UP Fair

Grabe. Ganto pala yung feeling nang sobrang pagod. Biruin mo kulangin ka sa tulog, tapos kulitin ka ng isang kaklase at pahabulin ka sa AS walk, mapagod ka pa sa kung anong activity sa kung anong lugar after, pumila ka ng mahigit dalawang oras para sa isang event, at siyempre yung umuwi ng madaling araw. Wala ka nang matinu-tinong maisip. Pero, nakakapag-blog parin nman ako.

Gulo ng araw ko, sobra. Ubos energy ko at ng mobile phone ko. Yung isa kong friend nagback-out na. Tagal ng pila. Walang kwenta ang organizer ng event. Di maayos ang entrance sa event. Tapos sa event naman madaming JJ’s, tas nagbabatuhan ng bote na may laman, condom na hinipan at mga feeling cute at pacute na di naman cute. Bahala nga sila. Tas muntik pa palang itigil ung event dahil me mga naninira na nung fence. Bale yung countdown at yung fireworks plus ung ilang bands nalang ang okay dun. Kaasar, na-miss ko yung first four bands dahil sa haba ng pilang hindi organized.

Pagod na pagod na ako. Itutulog ko nalang siguro ang weekends ko. Tapos sa Monday, study visit aka field trip to the House of Representatives. Yay. Yun na nga lang mag-eenergize sakin. :) Next week, exam and reports week na. Wahu. Wala pa kaming nasisimulan (108, 121, 141 at 151).

Ay, belated Happy Friday the 13th ngapala sa lahat, and of course Happy V-day rin. :)

Another Weird Dream

I only took notice of dreams when they’re one of the weirdest, and of course when they have a weird plot. Earlier, I dreamed of a lot of things: calling out our dog Shabutaro but him ignoring me so I called him Lassie and he still didn’t look, registering for a cedula at  a dark and weird Municipal office/city hall with personnel that doubt my UP Form 5 as something to use for registration, a party in our house with a pink cake and all my other friends as attendees, a new empty house with 10 floors and the 10th floor is a storage room where that house appears more of an apartment to me, some old ABBA boarders reuniting in my “party”, me eating a lot of sweets including some weird brown elongated biscuit more like broas but better in taste, someone asking me if I’d like to view my boyfriend’s photo albums wherein I agreed since he’s gonna view mine too, and the same pink cake which has a silver ring that I bit to check if it’s real and if I could be able to eat it with the cake—that’s together with the coins in a wedding the one that is colored silver and placed into a container-like thingy. All these comprised in my weird dream.

Actually there are some other things I could not put here since in my dream, they are supposed to be censored. Oooh. Wanna know what that is? Nah, I’m not telling. Okay, fine, it’s an orgy—a sex orgy where I am one of the attendees and also my boyfriend. Shocking, huh? Well yeah, and also me and my boyfriend doing the thing almost in front of many people while watching a movie in a private living room with people I don’t even know. Wah, sooo strange!!

May ID Na Ko! Yung Bago!

Yes, sa wakas, finally… May bago na kong UP Diliman ID! Yung me Centennial logo? Hehe. Tagal ko tong pinangarap. I mean, ang sagwa nung luma kong ID. Brown na siya (or naninilaw if that’s the correct description) and that. And of course, bago na ang college ko since last year kaya dapat last year pa yun napalitan. I’m proud to be part of NCPAG (naks!) na and I don’t want to be associated with College of Eng’g (peace!). So ayan, happy mode ako dahil may ID na akong bago! O ha!

Oh well, okay na sana araw ko kaso yung parents ko hinatid ako kaya di ako nakadaang AS walk para bumili ng isa pang Loverage 3 ticket para ke C. E kasi naman uwing-uwi na sila, tsaka dapat me consultation pa kami for the paper mamayang 2 pm. Kaso ayun nga, kasabay ko nanaman sila kaya limitado nanaman activities ko. Anyway, okay na nga lang din kasi nakauwi naman na ako ng bahay. Hinanap ko nalang sa net yung mga nagbebenta ng tickets. Kainis naman kasi. Kung di lang sana ako hinatid… andun na ko kanina e! Sa Kamia. Haha

I so love my student number. Hehe, same numbers kasi—except for the other 6. Kasi pair pair yan eh. 2006-00266. May dalawang 2, 6, at dalawang pair din ng 0. Haha me excess pang 6.Ang daling tandaan, diba?

Ayan nacontact ko na rin yung ngbebentang isa. Haha. Tuloy na tuloy na to!

Color-coded Campus

Campaign period nanaman. Samu’t-saring kulay nanaman ang bumabandera sa Diliman campus. Sa college palang namin ramdam na ramdam na ang botohan. Kesyo campaign dito sa isang klase at campaign din dito sa susunod. Buong araw yan. May mga prof na ayaw pumayag, may mga okay naman at makikinig rin. Kanya-kanya sila ng stand sa Referendum last time, sa Charter, sa walang-kamatayang Tofi issue, sa Ayala Technohub, at yung kanina, grabe. Personalan na yata.

Nangampanya yung isang party sa 121 class namin, at kaklase namin yung isang kumakandidatong NCPAG Rep. Ginisa siya nung mga kaklase ko sa harap ko nakaupo. As in todo tanong. Yung isa super irrelevant. Tanungin ba naman yung issue ng bansa, e USC lang naman ang botohan! Ngek. Pinagbigyan nalang. Tapos yung isa naman, ginisa yung kaklase naming tumatakbo tungkol sa mga hindi nya ginawa sa org nila (sa college namin). Tumatakbo rin siya e. Bale personalan na talaga, tinitira nya nang tinitira tapos parang pinamumukha nya na walang kwenta yung taong yon. Kesyo walang nagawa para sa org. Wahaha. Sus, buti inawat nung katabi ko. Hehe.

Pagkatapos ng campaign, si ma’am naman nagsalita. Alam mo, parang talagang tinamaan din ako sa mga pahayag nya. I mean, may point talaga na di dapat kami sabi nang sabi na ibaba ang tuition or ilibre nalang. Subsidized na nga kami e. Okay narin naman ang facilities ng Diliman, pero walang-wala nga kung ikukumpara sa Ateneo. Hmn, kasi sila nga raw ay nagbabayad ng buo. E kami? Kakarampot na 6 thou lang (minimum). Karamihan pa saming mga upperclassmen yun nga ang bayad (naglalaro sa 6-7 thou). Tapos kami pa tong sigaw nang sigaw na wag ipatupad ang Tofi o ayusin ang STFAP. True naman na hindi talaga right ang tertiary education, at privilege lang ang makapag-aral sa State U like UP. If we really want improvements, dapat nga siguro mataas-taas ang tuition. With high tuition, you could really get quality education. Kaya tama talaga yung point ni ma’am.

Bukas, ayokong magsuot ng pula, asul, o dilaw. Masyado nang color-coded ang campus. Kaya nga these past few days I wear white, cream, or brown. Para acting neutral. Well wala naman talaga akong side. Basta, kung sino ang magaling mangampanya at makilala ko before Feb 25 (election day) e yun maiki-click ko ang name. Computerized registration na ang lahat. Sana mabilis na rin ang canvassing at maayos na talaga.

 

Hello There, How Are You?

Old friends, they never went away. They’ve just been missing for some time. In the end, they’ll come and say hello to you again. Recently, I ran into quite many of them. Common hellos and how are you?’s were exchanged. It’s funny how we can still talk about a lot of things we had encountered before. Maybe it’s what we call reminiscing.

A lot has changed—from our physical attributes (haircut, skin color, facial expression, faces… hehe) to the emotional well-being of each one. Many had successful relationships, social life and others remained in their acads standing, improved, or delineated. Whatever happened, we still have the same smiles we exchanged as we talked the hours off.

Funny how the depressed ones had overhauled their emotions and now became twice as happy as the happy ones before. Some didn’t change, they just became more of what they should be. All those years of not seeing each other personally really made us miss each other more.

Well, that’s for a change. :)

UP Fair 2009

Back with Windows Live Writer. I can’t believe I would actually have the chance to buy fair tickets at a very low cost. My classmate earlier had told me that her classmate in English 1 is selling two tickets with discounts. Ooh. Around 30 pesos discount? That’s not too bad. Those tickets are for Loverage 3 on February “Friday the 13th”.

LOVERAGE3: Break the Curse, the third installment of the iconic LOVERAGE concert, is a pre-Valentine and Valentine celebration designed to bring together Iskolars ng Bayan and guests in a call to undo and defy superstitious bad luck associated with Friday the 13th through a night of love and love for music with the youth. It also aims to celebrate the varied and distinct musicianship shared and unleashed by our Filipino bands and artists in the realm of original Filipino music. As the night wears on, the organizers envision a Valentines Day welcome countdown, prompting a special fireworks display at exactly 12:00 midnight to delight the spectators. Tickets will be priced at PhP90 each. This curse-breaking event will be held on Friday the 13th of February 2009, at the UP Sunken Garden from 6:00PM onwards. (Gates open at 5:00PM)
brought to you by:
PAN XENIA FRATERNITY | ADELFE ENU CREA SORORITY | UP CURSOR | UP CIRCUIT
- EXCLUSIVE BAMBOO PERFORMANCE
- COUNTDOWN TO VALENTINES
- FIREWORKS AT MIDNIGHT
for more information:
visit: http://loverage3.multiply.com

There you go. I’ve been longing to go to this event since 2007—my Freshman year at UP Diliman—but my parents won’t allow me to stay until midnight at the campus. But this time, I have companions to take me back to our house :D Happy. I hope I could really come and enjoy it this year. :)

Blank

I can't find my favorite color here... oh well, this will do.

I stared blankly at the GAA for DOLE OSec and just stared at it for another 5 seconds... nothing seems to enter my mind. I already wasted a good thirty minutes and that's equivalent to 13 Pesos, and I'm at PC number 13. No one's online in my YM list and everyone's on the usual I'm mobile again. I sighed in dismay for I must be in class and not typing whatsoevers in this blog.

I tried to write something, open the Word doc and let my mind roam. Okay, so I was also thinking of dropping 131 but then, I'll just let it as an INC or a 4.0 or a 5.0--worst case scenario. My laziness went to its maximum level as I type these words. I only have time for PC and my hobbies. Yeah, to hell be with them.

The desktop background is about Loverage 3, the event I was supposed to attend with my bff and bf. Yep, it's on Friday and I haven't got any tickets for the three of us. My mom promised to buy those tomorrow, okay. So maybe she and my dad will come with me to school tomorrow as I am supposed to have my ID picture taken.

I hope someone awakes in my list as the digits for the payment of the net fee increases. I need to save money. But I'm hungry. Aw. Too bad. I need to eat.

Afternoon Dreams

My heart thumps faster and I cannot tell why. Oh, is this the pressure on 131 still living within the recesses of my mind? Duh. Tell me about it.

I only woke up having a dream of a weird building with 30 floors (or was it 45), and I was there in an elevator with my mom and my girl friend’s ex-boyfriend. We were talking when I pressed wrong buttons, and ending up skyrocketing to the 70th or was it 80th floor. I tried to prevent it from totally crashing up, and I pulled a sort of emergency trigger (a rope). It did help, a bit, and the next thing was our crashing down the opposite direction, with some rope triggering I avoided total instantaneous crash, but it was of no help. Was it a negative floor I clicked? I just saw my side (head) bleeding, so heavily I had to run in circles checking if the people I’m with are okay. The worst part? I thought we were all dead and that it was my soul who wanders around asking for questions.

Why are we on that building anyway? There’s a grand debut. I don’t know if it was C’s sister Viel’s or some other classmate’s sister. We were there to attend and they impose strict rules on invites and the “bouncers” check everyone who come in. I saw a few batch of high school classmates watching the event through a screen outside the ballroom, with formal wear and that. A “bouncer” let them in, finally after some screening. I stood in awe as I was in a separate staircase, watching the screen of the happenings in the debut and of course the roster of people I know there.

Okay, so the elevator event was supposedly next. Then, I just found myself riding a green jeep out of the place—which in fact was UP Diliman Campus! I was surprised by it. Then the green jeep went as far as EDSA Central! Omg. It was crazy! I asked for directions and I saw a terminal of several jeepneys with no Pasig Palengke on it. I saw a few people I know: Meicy, and a couple of her friends. Then I suddenly wondered when I saw an old classmate from PCA—Mickey. Mickey Mouse, I even referred to him. I called him out and I was asking him what had happened to him. Then we talked of a certain classmate and he told me he died. I could not believe. I even told Mickey I just saw him in an event at school where he attended one of my classes. Okay, so our conversation was over. I went back to the terminal only to find the Pasig jeeps gone.

Next scene was Meicy and her group holding beddings. I asked, What? You’re going to sleep here? Then she said, Yeah, we stay here. The next jeep’s in the morning. I went away, and I also saw Renee my classmate trying to sleep as well. Oh my, I have to go home, I muttered to myself. So I rushed to the lady in the uniform and there was a sort of MRT station near there, and she had me assisted. After that she talked to a security guard and have given me specific instructions on how to go home.

The dream ended when I heard a YM conversation sound. Pop it went, and I opened the laptop lid. Ooh, so there it was. I didn’t know if I managed to go home. Hmn. I guess I did. But I didn’t know if the people I was with in the elevator managed to be alive like me. Probably not?

Worries, Overreaction, and a Research Break

Earlier, I have tons of things to discuss in my blog but then my mindset went as far as the sensation of eating French Fries with ketchup. So far, I’m just quite concerned for the PA 131 paper on Budget Analysis—with Department of Labor and Employment- Office of the Secretary as my agency to analyze. I can’t think of “Fiscal ways” to understand and analyze a past and projected budget. I don’t have the so-called “Fiscal thinking”. This gives me too much ill feelings.

I never thought 131 has this so much pressure and requirements, and that it’s so difficult to cope with it. First, I failed to do the task of getting the taxation thingy of a business establishment. Next, I also failed in the second quiz. Finally, this one! My first quiz wasn’t that good enough to pull those other satisfactory grades I got. And another thing is my recitation—since I’m not adept to Economics and money matters like my Ecoño classmates from the College of Econ. I even failed prereqs to this course: Accounting 1 and Econ 11. Oh yeah, talking about the sorest loser, that’s me.

Now it’s my turn to “Google” everything and find ways on how to analyze budgets. Aw, I cannot think of anything else but that… however, one person also invades my mind and mobile phone. Psh, who else would be that relevant to almost everything I do? This does reek. Aw. Too bad. I’m going down again. :) It’s the tradition of 2 failures in a sem. Would it count to three? I certainly hope it won’t. As someone had just told me, I must pass every subject so it wouldn’t add to my list of delayed subjects. It’s not a “delaying tactic” I’m doing but it’s what we call “Simultaneous Epic Fails”. Oh God, what am I doing?

Yet Another Weirdest Dream

Crocodiles under a tree sprouting to get you, a large tree inside a second floor building, two exorcists, Card Captor Sakura within me, a badminton tournament, and school chaos, someone on MMK, a birthday cut-out heart, an icing placed on top of a fruit cake bought for one peso, a weird gift shop—those were the elements of my dream earlier. Truly, it was one of the weirdest at this time.

I could not possibly remember everyone that had been in my dream except for those I know—my mom, C-chan, Katrina, Chasen, Jose, Ronces, Mrs. Zabala (deceased 1st grade adviser and High school Principal at PCA), Kathrine, Kog… and of course the unfamiliar face of the hot exorcist that I thought was the live version of Naru from Ghost Hunt, the fat exorcist by his side with yellow hair and the same pendant of something like a diamond-shaped gold, bullet-like thingy and crosses. These people all dwelled in my short dream of many instances and scenes. I don’t know if there was a real plot like when I turned into Sakura Kinomoto and used the Fly and Shield cards to prevent myself from being eaten by an unknown creature lurking at the PCA Elementary School Building. And just below it, I could remember I was chosen to join a doubles badminton tournament with my green racket. Oooh. To make matters worse, I don’t know badminton at all. It so does remind me of my 1st year in High School PE class where I got a 75 on the singles part.

The story of my dream itself didn’t tell me any intuitive clue about something I was thinking of. It was just a series of events that I don’t have any idea on. Yes, everything happens in a dream and that dream may be something I would never wish would happen (but certainly, I want to meet the hot exorcist with cool black hair and mysterious eyes—he held my hand back there!). Anyway, I was just happy I began seeing human and supernatural dreams at the same time again (the last one was the spy girl thingy) and to think that anime dream crossed it. Wow, what a nice dream.

All About Him… again.

Friday, I was quite early for my 141 class. The corridors are quite dark even though it’s already 11:30. I walked quietly in the lazy way I usually have towards room 201. Suddenly, I saw him solemnly looking at the floor, and I’m still uncertain if he saw me. I passed by him ever so quietly, and I was surprised when he grabbed my right wrist and swayed it the usual way he does when he sees me. “It’s your treat today.” oh, I remember. I smiled and I sat beside him. We talked for quite a long time and we decided to stay just right there since it’s too cold inside the room. After some conversation, our prof came to pass by in front of us. Then we had our class, and it rained outside…

After 141, we went out to the cafeteria only to saw it was raining. We chatted again along the way. We had fun for that short moment, and we arrived only to see quite a number of people inside. We ordered lunch, and my treat. We tried to eat outside for the first time. It was a seat or rather a table beside the outdoors, where you can almost feel the rain touch you. Some conversations about anime came to us, and also of someone related to me, his sister, and all others we have to talk about. Then he found me peculiar as I stared into the Tilapia I was to eat, checking parts that are still edible. He laughed again, he always does notice something about me. I just continued to finish my food and we went back inside for drinks.

He scavenged the fridge for some Coke Zero and it took us quite some time before we managed to return all the other drinks that were brought out in search for Coke Zero. As the rain poured continuously, he brought out his pink umbrella he told me about. He opened it and waited for me to get in. He had this gentlemanly gesture, and he said that he was practicing his manners. So when I arrived near the Assembly Hall, he had to go. I said, “Bye” and looked back before going inside… after that was quite a night for me.

Crap

You’re looking for someone new.

You meet a guy and immediately wonder if he’s available, forgetting that you’re not.

Let’s set this straight. Okay, so I tried my best to really involve myself with him with the past months. I have organized myself to quit everything for the nth time, trying to make something right out of everything. I’ve even done tons of things that are most likely not what I’m supposed to be doing, but after that, still nothing. I instill him in my mind for hours, trying to add something with romance. I quit some slideshows of some guys I still have the hots for, and obviously it’s going nowhere. I wonder what I should do or if something would happen upon me erasing some other guy’s pictures in my mobile and PC. Yeah, he ordered me to do that… but I can’t get myself to follow it. I spent hours thinking of what I should do next, only to find myself generalizing all the thoughts I had all this time. Honestly, I'm not that into him.

Man, I do feel it’s bad that I’m still sticking to it. What do I do? I get loads of stuff and perks. Does that really boil down to one point: I’m a user? Aw. Freaky.

Because I Said So.

Would anyone believe someone because he just said so? Let’s rephrase that: Would anyone not doubt someone because he simply said so?

Whatever the case is, it is quite difficult to tell a lie from a truth. Or to identify epic tales of some happening from it’s luths, or tries. However, it is also confusing to think of the underlying incidents in a short answer. Yes, that’s where the I-just-said-so things come into the picture. See that?

It’s so easy for me to lie. Yeah, come to think of it, I do it almost everyday. If we’ll count the days I lived in truth or have said whole truths for a day, that would be easy. I’m not talking here to be proud of it or to devastate myself. I’m just speaking of the truth. Oooh. That’s right.

So which part of that comes confusing? Sometimes, if I was told of a short reason, I wouldn’t bother asking where he really goes to or what really went to him, or other things. I just knew I shouldn’t be asking for a lot of details. But when it comes to my every single detail for the day, he might often complain that it was rather very detailed. Sarcasm. Okay, so I’ll try to relate everything that had occurred. Then suddenly, the series of ok’s come into place. That’s where I’ll stop.

Annoying. That’s how I thought of it. And should I do the same? No way. Just what I’ve always told him, I’d rather not do something because I don’t want someone to do the same to me. Yup. The old-time favorite Golden Rule. Too cheesy, you might say, but that stands as one of the things I have been living out. In short, it’s one of my so-called principles in life.

My ultimate point here? Simple. Where has trust gone? Rephrase. I don’t think I’ll like the word “trust” that much. Some things come to my mind with just hearing that or reading it. Here goes: Where has the reality gone? Awful. Really awful. I can’t find a very appropriate word. Anyway, I also feel awful when I hear something about them. I better not tell here. Did I just say I regret what I’ve been doing up to this day?

Mishaps and Crappy Net Connection

I woke up this late only to know my net connection was “accidentally” pulled out—the power source, that is. Hysterically, I pulled it back again, hoping for a fine connection. I was wrong. Certainly, there was something that triggered for a slow net and I won’t bother knowing what it is.

I just continued reading from a weblog site and it made my mood happier. Oh, really happier. From last night or should I include afternoon, we’ve been in a marathon of Whispering Corridors (movies 1-3) only to stop at the third film since I find it so creepy already. The movie showed women’s relationship somewhat in a yuri or shoujo-ai manner. Kind of creepy though.

Going back to my subject, my net still doesn’t work as it should be. Even with my mail, it can’t load. Friendster, Answers.com… duh. It’s a dull net. :( I’d just go to Adult Land… (credits to FOP episode “Love at First Height”). It so does not reek there. It’s a kidless adult paradise. :D

 

In the Nick of TIME

6 am, my biological clock worked. I settled in front of my Tablemate (TM) and opened the laptop. Light seeped into my eyes. I started working with the paper I had been doing since yesterday—it only has one short paragraph as an introduction. Before starting, I reviewed the MTPDP, closed all other YM windows, read some unread messages while I’m asleep, and finally checked my torrents. Suddenly, everything just occurred to me as if I was possessed by a writing ghost. My fingers worked quickly across the keyboard, and in thirty minutes, I finished 2 pages. Just the right amount of pages for a reaction paper.

I roamed around the house for a couple of minutes. The people have just woke up. I ran outside to see Shabutaro. He was as usual murderously playing with Butchik. I came to them and of course Shabu-chan succumbed to my presence. What a relief. He stopped gnashing Butchik. Breakfast was served, I ate quite a lot. God, I was happy I am still alive to this day.

When I returned to the PC only to be bothered by something else, I recalled what I have dreamed of. Sure, I’ve got lots of anime dreams lately—it’s a way of escape too. I’d let myself imagine a lot: it helps me think of future fanfiction plots. I really found something very interesting in my dreams; they seem to envelop my reality. It’s as if it’s right straight into my dream. The conversations were as real as it could get. The lingering sensations just had me wondering in the aftermath. I would even spend some time pondering of what had happened. This is normal. And it is abnormal.

I still find it hard to close paragraphs and essays. I usually left them hanging. Elementary school taught us to write the conclusion in a manner where you tell the moral of the story, or something that you learned. High school just made it more complex, but the result is still the same. College did make me think of ways to end it beautifully. As of now, what I could only write in ending of essays is the final question in the posted guidelines. Strictly speaking, I follow rules. Creativity has long gone. Too much corruption of the mind…it led me to nothing but illusions.

Do You Read Me?

I’m at a loss. I cannot start my PA 108 Reaction Paper on the MTDP 22nd Chapter. God, I feel so useless and bummed. I can’t think normally. Was I expecting something else tomorrow? Oh. Talk about tomorrow. I think I won’t be able to interact with someone unless he goes to the Forum. Oh, right, he has classes.

Oh well what should I do? Only 12 hours left.

Puun. Even in my blog I can’t write a single meaningful thing. So sad. :(

Arienaittsu no!!

                     -Makino Tsukushi

 

Backtrack

For a change, it could be said that we’re better than before. Or maybe more matured. Something like that sort. But to me, it’s as if we’re going circles in a cycle—and up to this time, I can’t determine whether it’s vicious or detrimental-lovely or sentimental.

Nobody can ever predict the future, but my instincts have gone to the next level. Gut feeling has been more reliable, subconscious has told me more realities beforehand. I could even detect stuff which are hidden and in one out of the blue choice, I could get what I wanted. Life has never been this lucky and happy for the past 19 years of my existence.

Could it be the booming financial status I’m currently enjoying—with all the perks, stuff and gadgets I get from my parents—or the less attention and more trust I garnered from them? Which one of those is it, I don’t really mind. What’s more important is I enjoy my life, at least while I’m still free to do my thing and the like.

2008 being over and my Mirumo madness being gone, I could now focus on what must be or might be the essential things in life. Nevertheless, studies must or should go hand in hand with this. Still, I could say that I find it hard to prioritize school than merry-making. It’s uncontrollable, and the addiction I had now is about the fun I experience in the present so I totally forget what’s about to come.

Clairvoyance and other unexplainable happenings are all gifts, it’s for me to use maybe for myself. Funny how I thought of it that way; could it be just a simple co-incidence just like before? I can really not distinguish fantasy from reality. They seemed to have merged as one in my life. What I perceive is like a dream floating around me: my life, it’s like a fantasy: a work of fiction. When will things be as real as reality?

Press Statement

Ikinalulungkot ko man para sa mga umaasa, sinabi ko na ang katotohanan nung isang araw… Kaya, Sir Manny H, magkakaroon din ng tamang tao para humalili sa pwesto ko sa uh… JinSan.

Yan ang sagot ko sa press statement nya nung Feb 2, 2009:

"Nakekeesa aku sa pagloloksa ng boong longsod ng JinSan. Nawalan kame ng esang ena na magtagoyod sana ng dibilupment at pes en urder sa JinSan. Subrang kalongkot naman, kase mahal na mahal namen ang mga Heranyawungkol. Ets su dibesteyting..."

Naalala ko tuloy bigla si Sir Manny sa role ni Mark Bautista sa “Status: Single” na pelikulang pinanood ko kahapon. Hehe. Sina “Swet” at “Heart”. Wahaha. Kulet.

The Best Damn Weirdest Thing

My Wednesdays and Fridays won’t be complete without a treat from him or from me. As the days passed by this semester, I do feel that he’s slowly becoming a part of my system. Although our conversations have not much changed since then—our relationships, school work, anime, random life experiences, likes, hates, people we do know a lot, psychology… it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. What’s becoming more important is the weird thing that you can see when we’re together: we seem to enjoy each other’s company. We both hated walking under the heat of the sun and the long paths we take are seemingly endless yet easy to walk through. With some conversation, insults, and other abnormal stuff we seem to get along well. I don’t really get what made me come with him to a hike somewhere in the campus at noon, and maybe he doesn’t understand why he has to take me to bus stops or jeep routes. Sometimes, he’ll pull my bag and prevent me from riding the next trip. Sometimes, I’ll simply walk away, looking back with a smile at his direction. We would oftentimes just stare blankly at the dusty or grassy path we’re trudging. Or I would occasionally stare his way without knowing why, until he asks me and I reply a simple shaking of my head unconsciously.

Lunchtime during 1 pm of Wednesdays and Fridays have always been the same too. It would either be pasta or something that we could see that’s interesting and palatable. We recently identify whose turn is it now to treat, and we would oftentimes adore the shiny coins we get from the counter. He would show me his collection of those and I’ll try and grab them from him. He’ll do some evil laugh and sometimes he’ll notice why I suddenly jerked my feet, or when I clumsily lose my balance along the way we take. He would laugh at my perks and also when I hurt myself unintentionally because of my carelessness. I’d almost trip along the road and he’ll look back as if in concern. Whenever I felt cold, he’d surely notice and say something about the temperature at the room where we’re in. He’ll glance occasionally and talk to me about something random, his characteristic being consistently random. I’ll get pretty confused with his psychological analysis of stuff and I’ll just nod and agree to some things he would speak of. In the end, it will just be something regarding me and my relationship or some experiences he had encountered different from mine.

We notice almost everything around us when we walk. It’s kinda weird, but at the same time I feel happy. Sometimes, I want to ask myself whether he really likes going out with me on the road to walk somewhere, or if I really waste his time meaningfully or maybe if he had finished his studies and research. I’d also wonder if I have something interesting with me besides my peculiar character. He’d smile when we’re together, not like when he’s sleeping in class or not like with the common classroom laughs we have. It seems different, yet somehow, it' feels natural. Would I be able to understand him as time passes by? It’s so weird, yet somewhat this is the best thing that had happened or maybe… one of the best.

Voter’s Registration

Kanina, maaga kaming lumarga ni Hani papuntang City Hall—actually, nagkita kami jan sa Jobi simbahan. Tapos, bumulaga samin yung parang assembly ng lahat ng pulis, city hall officers and employees, at kung sinu-sino pang workers of the government. Inakyat namin yung footbridge above the head na nakapalibot sa me LICS. Anyway, saktong pagbalik namin sa me city hall natapos na yung assembly, only to know na iba yung pila para sa registration. Aba, ang haba na.

Next, me requirements para sa registration. Wala ako nun, so tawag sa bahay ang drama ko. Swerte ni Hani walang pila sa District 1. Okay, so akyat kami hintay ke mama. Nang dumating, number 102 na binigay sakin nung isang kuya. Haha.

Oooh, nakita namin si Meicy dun at boy na boy na talaga siya. Oh well, konting chika tapos ayun natapos si Hani tapos uwi kain nood balik ulit, around 2 na yun. Onti na pila at after 1 hour natapos rin. Balik bahay, etc.

Haha, di siya nakatingin dito wahaha wala kasing flash. Ay breaking news muna, ginagamit ko na ulit yung Smart ko, and pahinga muna yung Globe 0906… ko. :)

Tsaka me bagong nick tong tao sa kaliwa, siya na si “Fifi *insert gay surname here*”, hehe nakikiuso. =)) nagshishift yan sa Hani and Fifi mode. Basta. Si Alien pa. Hehe.

Multiple Choice

Ang life, maraming choices. Araw-araw meron, at madalas, problema sakin ang pagpili. Halimbawa, kagigising ko palang tanong kagad ang bubungad sakin: “Anong ulam gusto mo?”, siyempre mapapaisip ako nang malalim don.

Napakaraming dapat piliin. HIndi lang ulam ang tinutukoy ko. Kahit yung akala mong simpleng bagay, pero hindi naman pala. Kunyari yung bangs ko. Saang direksyon ko hahawiin? Kaliwa o kanan? San ba mas bagay? Kung kasing conscious mo ako sa pagpili, makakarelate ka. Tsaka, diba ang tao gahaman at gusto palagi yung nakakabenefit sa kanya? Aminin na natin. Kung hindi tayo sobrang mapili, lahat naman gusto nating mapasaatin.  Forever dilemma na yata yan ng tao.

Kahit siguro sa pagkagusto sa isang lalaki ganun din ang problema. Okay. So meron kang gusto, at me dumating na isa pa, tapos nung na-test run mo na yung pangalawa, okay naman pero talagang gusto mo yung hindi mo pa nahahawakan. Hmn. Let’s say prdukto sila. Ah, cellphone. Ihalintulad natin sa cellphone. Gusto mong bilhin ang N series, pero bigla dumating ang mas bagong Nokia phone dun. Tapos bigla pag dadating ang iPhone 3G. Maloloka ka na sa kapipili, pero nagamit mo na yung mas bago sa N series. Okay naman yung product pero di ka sigurado. At alam mong may darating pang mas bago at mas high-tech. Stick to the later model ng Nokia na akala mong papalit sa N-series mo o hihintayin mong makita at dumating yung mga bagong units?

Siyempre wala ka namang magamit kaya nag-stick to the later model ka. Pero di mo maalis sa utak mo ang possibility na baka naman mas maganda kung naghintay ka nalang, kahit mas matagal mas high-tech naman. Kaya lang, ayaw mo rin namang idiscard yung later Nokia handset mo. Bakit? Kasi nandun na yung contacts mo ng 3 years, at ang mga tao alam na yun ang gamit mo. Sanay na sanay ka na ring gamitin yon, at halos araw-araw mo nang kasama. Alam mo na halos lahat ng features nya, at siyempre may sentimental value na rin. Iiwanan mo pa ba yun? Ipamimigay? Itatago? Maghahanap ka ba ng bago at iba? Alam mo namang gusto mo pa rin siya.

E kung bigla nagsasalita at may feelings naman pala yung handset model na yun.Sanay na rin daw siya sa’yo at nangangako siyang magiging useful parin siya all the days of your life. Bibigay ka ba sa sinasabi niya gayong alam mo namang may mas bago, maganda at high-tech kesa sa kanya at pwede ka rin niyang iwan someday?

Complications talaga oo. Pag mutual na ang isang samahan, mahirap nang bumack-out. Kumbaga, nakulong ka na. Stuck. Wlaa na. End of the world. Sus, ano nga ba? Eternal bliss o Forever suffering? Alin ba talaga? Ang gulo e. Wala kasing permanente. Walang sigurado. Meron pala. Yung fact na mawawala rin tayong lahat sa mundo. Sabagay, sa fact na yun, sinasabing walang matitira—in short, back sa point na walang permanente sa earth.

Sa huli, pagsisihan man ang pagbili sa cellphone na yon, o ang paghahangad mo sa lumang Neries, o ang mga bagong unit na naproduce at mas high-tech… wala ka nang magagawa kasi nabili mo na yun. Sayo na daw siya. Manakaw man o mawala yun, bahala na. Siguro, kung mawala nga, o iniwanan ka, may bago. Mas high tech. Mas magagamit. O finally, yung tutukuyin mong habangbuhay mo nang kasama. Iyon nalang siguro ang panghahawakan ko. Sa ngayon… stick to one muna.

New Month, New Hair

Okay, so earlier we went to church and after that I had my “curled” (quote and unquote that) hair cut and repaired (what? :D).

So here’s the result (although I didn’t like to post it here, but just as a proof)

Before and after:

 

Okay. So left’s before and right’s after. Haha. I kinda miss my long messy hair. :)

I have nothing else to say but since today’s the first of February (my favorite month for the second sem) I just wanna tell ya’ll that I’m so excited for Friday the 13th. YAAAY!! Twice this year and this early! Wahoo!

Hope I can attend UP Fair. Dang, it’s my third year but still I failed to attend concerts and the like that happens in the university. Oooh… I really, really wanna attend now (this year).

*crosses fingers*

*snickers*

*grins*

 

Dabbles

“Why didn’t I think of that before…?”

A pause. Yes, we both needed that.

“Haha.” was it sarcastic? Neither of us knew that.

“…I knew that some things could happen.” I never thought he’d say that.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

If it wasn’t the most perfect timing in the world, I could’ve told so.

We weren’t thinking. Everything just happened in a blow.

“Let’s stop for a while.”

“Gladly.” was that reply true enough? I should’ve thought so.

Could’ve, should’ve, must’ve… will I regret everything?

Too many questions to ask. Yet there’s only one answer.

“Yes, I felt it too.”

That might’ve been the most honest and direct answer I’ve said aloud.

He smiled in contentment. “I knew you would.”

Whatever. We didn’t care at the moment. What’s important is the present.

…we both sunk in the couch and slept. Nothing is more needed than sleep. Certainly, everything was right beside me. Maybe, his everything is also right there…